Sunday thoughts

Marc spoke in Sacrament Meeting today, and gave an excellent talk about faith.

Here was my favorite part: he said that recently I inherited a beautiful painting of the Savior that used to hang in my grandmother's home. Denise brought it to me when she drove out from Denver, and I had propped it against a wall, awaiting its eventual home (unknown to me at the time).

One day when I was out, Marc decided to rearrange the mantel to make room for the painting. He found himself wondering if it was going to work with the rest of our decor, etc. But he left it for awhile to get a read on it, and now it just seems so right, and he can't even remember what else used to be there.

How often do we do that in our lives? What do we have to rearrange to make room for the Savior? Because it is always worth it, always, and whatever we give up will just fade away and we won't even miss it.

I was so moved by this, especially because it was all tied up with my grandmother in my mind. Then we sang Lead, Kindly Light as the closing hymn, a great favorite of mine:

1. Lead, kindly Light, amid th’encircling gloom;
Lead thou me on!
The night is dark, and I am far from home;
Lead thou me on!
Keep thou my feet; I do not ask to see
The distant scene—one step enough for me.

2. I was not ever thus, nor pray’d that thou
Shouldst lead me on.
I loved to choose and see my path; but now,
Lead thou me on!
I loved the garish day, and, spite of fears,
Pride ruled my will. Remember not past years.

3. So long thy pow’r hath blest me, sure it still
Will lead me on
O’er moor and fen, o’er crag and torrent, till
The night is gone.
And with the morn those angel faces smile,
Which I have loved long since, and lost awhile!

Text: John Henry Newman, 1801–1890
Music: John B. Dykes, 1823–1876

Whew. I really am not much of a crier anymore, but I could hardly sing the hymn and it was a little bit difficult to go to Primary afterwards and carry on as if everything was normal! In the best possible way.

Sunday thoughts

Today in testimony meeting, one woman said, "It is a daily struggle to live in this world." That just kind of summed up how I've been feeling lately, and I was moved to hear someone else articulate it.

I know that when I'm feeling this way, I need to evaluate my daily life and activities and see what has been neglected. I know what I need to do, to some extent. And I need to exercise patience regarding the things that I still don't know about.

I came across this poem recently that speaks to me. I found it in Cat's Cradle by Chieko Okazaki and she said, "Patience is a worthy and fruitful approach to a great many problems. I love a poem by Carol Lynn Pearson called "Creation Continued," because she talks about many of the little wildernesses that we face as women and what we can do about it."


I will continue
To create the universe today
Right where God left off.

Little pockets of chaos
Somehow survived the ordering
And I feel moved
To move upon them
As in the beginning
The Spirit of God moved
Upon the face of the waters.

I will move upon my backyard today
And the weeds will be subdued
And the flowers can grow
And it will be good.

I will move long-distance
Upon a broken heart
And leave a little balm
And it will be good.

I will move upon the hunger of my children
With salad and spaghetti
Which is Emily's favorite
And it will be good
And even they will say so.
And I will move too
Upon their minds,
Leaving a little poem
Or an important thought
And that will be even better
Though they won't say so.

I will move upon
Birth defects and AIDS
With five and ten dollar checks
To help the scientists
Who are battling the big chaos
And I will move upon world hunger
With a twenty-four dollar check
For little Marilza in Brazil
And it will be good.

I will move upon
The kitchen floor
And the dirty laundry
And a blank piece of paper
And at the end of the day
Have a little creation to show.

And the evening and the morning
Are my eighteen thousand
and ninety-sixth day
And tomorrow will start another one.
And here is chaos and there is chaos
And who knows if creation
Will finally be done?

Sunday thoughts

Today, we had a nice Sacrament meeting, made even nicer by the absence of whining (which we've had a lot of in recent weeks).

This little snippet it what stood out to me above all else:

How do we find our way through the many things that matter? We simplify and purify our perspective. Some things are evil and must be avoided; some things are nice; some things are important; and some things are absolutely essential. The Savior said, “This is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent.” ⁴ 

Faith is not only a feeling; it is a decision. With prayer, study, obedience, and covenants, we build and fortify our faith. Our conviction of the Savior and His latter-day work becomes the powerful lens through which we judge all else. Then, as we find ourselves in the crucible of life, as Elder Oaks explained, we have the strength to take the right course. 

President Hinckley said it this way: “When [an individual] is motivated by great and powerful convictions of truth, then he disciplines himself, not because of demands made by the Church but because of the knowledge within his heart.” ⁵ 

Neil L. Andersen, April 2007 Ensign

I love that. Doubts can sometimes creep in, but I can make the decision to have faith. I may not understand everything now, but I know enough. And I know that obedience and discipleship brings me joy.

Sunday thoughts

This week I was thinking about our new ward. We've been in it for 7 months now, and it still doesn't feel like home. (Obviously, as I still think of it as our new ward.) I'm in Primary, so I still don't really know that many people. And it seems like we have more than our share of problems.

Today in testimony meeting, a man stood at the pulpit and sang his gratitude. He then spoke about being unemployed for two years, and announced that he now has a good job, and his family has benefits again! He gave thanks for living in a ward where people know what it is like to suffer, to experience adversity, and yet to hold fast.

Well. I, for one, am grateful for a new perspective.

Sunday thoughts

In Senior Primary today, I felt prompted to share something that I found online recently. It was a chart taken from the 1978 Ensign.

I started out by telling the children about Sister Beck saying that learning to recognize the promptings of the Spirit and act on them is the most important and valuable skill you can acquire in this life. I firmly believe that if our children can learn this skill, they will be okay, no matter what situation they find themselves in. More than okay, in fact - happy and successful.

When you have the Spirit:

You feel happy, calm, and clear-minded.
You feel generous.
Nobody can offend you.
You wouldn't mind everyone seeing what you're doing.
You feel like praying.
You feel in control - you don't overeat or sleep too much; you don't feel uncontrollably drawn to sensational entertainment, lose your temper, or feel uncontrollable passions or desires.
You are glad when others succeed.
You feel confident and are glad to be alive.
You wish you could keep all the Lord's commandments.
You think about the Savior often and lovingly; you want to know him better.

When you don't have the Spirit:

You feel unhappy, depressed, confused, and frustrated.
You become secretive and evasive.
You don't want to pray.
You avoid people, especially members of your family; you are critical of family members and Church authorities.
You get discouraged easily and wonder if life is really worth it.
You find the commandments bothersome, restricting, or senseless.
You don't want to go to church, or take the sacrament. You wish you had another church job or no job at all.
You hardly ever think of the Savior; he seems irrelevant to your life, or worse, part of a confusing system that seems to work against you.

I really hope that our discussion helps them to recognize when they have the Spirit and when they don't, and it is a great refresher for me as well.

Sunday thoughts

Not too long ago, we read the first chapter of Change Your Questions, Change Your Life for book club. It was interesting, it was intriguing, but I just kept wondering what questions I should be asking? (Of course, it would probably help if I read the rest of the book...)

Recently, I've been reading Chieko Okasaki's book Cat's Cradle. In it, she gave an example of a sister who was visiting a drought-stricken country and meeting with some women of different faiths. They had tried everything they could think of, and finally they asked her to pray to her God for rain. She felt panicked. She had no idea what to do or say, and she offered a quick, silent prayer of: What do you want me to say to these women? She received her answer immediately, and they were soon blessed with rain.

This got me thinking. What if it's as simple as just slightly re-phrasing some of my questions? What if instead of saying, Please help me to know how I can help the women I visit teach, and then going about my day, I asked, What can I do for Sister D.? and then waited for an answer? Instead of Help us to make our Primary a place where the children can feel safe and loved, What can I do to show more love to the Primary children?

It seems to move me from merely expressing a desire for direction to expecting that inspiration will be forthcoming.


It is so small, so simple, and yet it feels like an epiphany. I am definitely going to try it out.

Sunday thoughts

A few weeks ago, I bought a darling, white ruffled jacket for my mom to wear to the temple. It was the only time in recent memory I have actually been excited to send her a birthday gift! (Usually, I have no idea what to get her.)

It was so fun for me to pick something out for her to wear to the temple. The whole time, I kept thinking, "I am so happy that we share this love of the temple!"

This last weekend, I attended BYU Women's Conference with my dear friends.

I heard some really great talks, I took a lot of notes, I have a lot to think about. I will probably share some of those thoughts in future Sunday thoughts posts. But the overwhelming feeling I had was, "I am so happy that we all share a love of the gospel!"

And I kept thinking about this scripture, and feeling like Alma:

Alma did rejoice exceedingly to see his brethren; and what added more to his joy, they were still his brethren in the Lord...

Alma 17:2

I just love that.

Sunday thoughts

I was talking to Jessie earlier this week and she recounted to me a visiting teaching visit she had had with a sister in her ward with a multitude of various problems. She left wondering what she could possibly do to lessen this woman's burdens, and feeling grateful for own life, which seemed relatively problem-free in comparison.

As she and her companion left that neighborhood, they saw several unmarked police cars and officers with large weapons approaching a house. It seemed they had wandered right into a sting of some sort, and she was obviously amazed and shocked.

After this exciting episode, she turned to her companion and said, "I have so much to pray about today!"

That's what really stuck with me about our conversation. I love that that was her response. I have so much to pray about every day, really, and I want my first response to be to turn to prayer.

Sunday thoughts

Today was our fast & testimony meeting, and it was a really good one.

One thing that made it great was that the youth went to the temple yesterday morning. Both of my boys went. They had to get up around 4:00 a.m. on the last sleeping-in day of Spring break, and they did it without complaint.

Several of the youth bore their testimonies about the temple today, and Max was one of them. Hearing my child bear his testimony was a parenting payday for me. He spoke about the peace that prevails in the temple, and how nice it was to be bathed in peace for an extended period of time.

He related something that he learned in seminary once, that peace is the only emotion that the devil doesn't have a counterfeit for. I love that.

Max was also set apart as the first assistant in the priest's quorum today and was told that the Lord is pleased with his devotion and that he has been blessed with a strong testimony (music to my ears!). He was promised that as he serves in this calling, his testimony will be strengthened further.

After church, Lucas went to collect fast offerings and Max went to administer the sacrament to 4 homebound members of our ward.

Seeing my boys perform their priesthood duties gives me such joy. Peace is definitely what I am feeling today.

Sunday thoughts

I attended my stake's Relief Society birthday celebration this week.

Dinner was served, and then one of the ward Relief Society presidents gave a great presentation about some of the things she has learned by studying early women of the church.

She was somewhat surprised to discover how varied the life experiences of these women were, and how much their struggles corresponded to those of women today:

death of children
death of a spouse
multiple marriages and blended families
illnesses
abuse
frustration over not having time to devote to passions or self-development
frustration with the day-to-day difficulties of raising children and taking care of a home

Some were highly educated. Some became doctors. Some developed musical talents. Some were teachers. Some were political activists. Some were writers. Some devoted their efforts to raising children. All struggled to find the right balance.

In short, then, as now, there was no one right way to be a woman in the church. It brought to mind these quotes by Chieko Okazaki:

"...cookie cutters are for cookies, not for human beings, and we should not try to live someone else's life."

"All of us women have an image of the ideal family—a marriage in the temple to an active priesthood holder, and children who are obedient and faithful. But President Ezra Taft Benson has pointed out that only 14 percent of American households in 1980 match the traditional image of a family—working husband, full-time mother with children still in the home. 2 Reliable statistics indicate that only one out of five LDS families in the United States have a husband and wife married in the temple with children in their home. As Elder M. Russell Ballard has already reminded us, there is great diversity in LDS homes. But all of these homes can be righteous homes where individuals love each other, love the Lord, and strengthen each other.

Let me give you an example. Here are two quilts. Both are handmade, beautiful, and delightful to snuggle down in or wrap around a grandchild. Now look at this quilt. It’s a Hawaiian quilt with a strong, predictable pattern. We can look at half of the quilt and predict what the other half looks like. Sometimes our lives seem patterned, predictable in happy ways, in order.

Now look at this second quilt. This style is called a crazy quilt. Some pieces are the same color, but no two pieces are the same size. They’re odd shapes. They come together at odd angles. This is an unpredictable quilt. Sometimes our lives are unpredictable, unpatterned, not neat or well-ordered. Well, there’s not one right way to be a quilt as long as the pieces are stitched together firmly. Both of these quilts will keep us warm and cozy. Both are beautiful and made with love.

There’s not just one right way to be a Mormon woman, either, as long as we are firmly grounded in faith in the Savior, make and keep covenants, live the commandments, and work together in charity." (Chieko Okazaki, “Strength in the Savior” General Conference October 1993)

I came home from the meeting and told Marc about it. I told him how much I enjoyed the presentation, how well-done it was, etc. But as we continued talking, he pointed out that the way I was talking actually made it seem like I was more discouraged than uplifted by the meeting. I was surprised, but realized that he was right. I was comparing myself to all of these women with great accomplishments, and came away wondering, "What have I done? Am I enough?"

Obviously, this is the opposite reaction of what was intended. I found it interesting that it was even the opposite of what I thought I had received.

As a stay-at-home mother by choice, who volunteers at the schools, enjoys cooking and baking, sewing and decorating, knitting and reading, I would seem to fit that cookie-cutter mold as well as anyone.

I find it difficult not to compare myself to other women and wonder if I am doing enough. Am I a good role model for my daughter? What do my sons learn about womanhood from me? Should I be doing more?

As Marc and I talked, he reminded me that I can do whatever I want. I can go back to BYU and take classes, for free! I can study and learn, he said he could envision me striking out on a business venture at some point. The thing is, I know I can do those things. I just don't want to do them. At least not right now. I have chosen my current life, and Marc has fully supported me, which is a wonderful feeling. I have no idea what I will want in the future.

“Only you know your circumstances, your energy level, the needs of your children, and the emotional demands of your other obligations. Be wise during intensive seasons of your life. Cherish your agency, and don’t give it away casually. Don’t compare yourself to others — nearly always this will make you despondent. Don’t accept somebody else’s interpretation of how you should be spending your time. Make the best decision you can and then evaluate it to see how it works. Practice saying, ‘I feel good about my decision to . . .’ and then fill in the blank with whatever you decided. If you find yourself saying, ‘I should feel good about this decision, but . . .’ then perhaps you need to reevaluate that decision.”
– Lighten Up! , “Seeking the Light of Christ,” Chapter 14

I think I may need to re-read this quote every day.

I would love to hear others' feedback on this issue!

Sunday thoughts

This week, I was looking for some quotes by Chieko Okazaki that I heard recently in a Relief Society meeting. I didn't find them, but I did find this, which I consider to be a real gem:

Well, my dear sisters, the gospel is the good news that can free us from guilt.

We know that Jesus experienced the totality of mortal existence in Gethsemane. It's our faith that he experienced everything-- absolutely everything. Sometimes we don't think through the implications of that belief.

We talk in great generalities about the sins of all humankind, about the suffering of the entire human family. But we don't experience pain in generalities. We experience it individually.

That means he knows what it felt like when your mother died of cancer- how it was for your mother, how it still is for you. He knows what it felt like to lose the student body election. He knows that moment when the brakes locked and the car started to skid. He experienced the slave ship sailing from Ghana toward Virginia. He experienced the gas chambers at Dachau. He experienced napalm in Vietnam. He knows about drug addiction and alcoholism.

Let me go further. There is nothing you have experienced as a woman that he does not know and recognize.

On a profound level, he understands the hunger to hold your baby that sustains you through pregnancy. He understands both the physical pain of giving birth and the immense joy. He knows about PMS and cramps and menopause. He understands about rape and infertility and abortion.

His last recorded words to his disciples were, "And, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world." (Matthew 28:20)

He understands your mother-pain when your five-year-old leaves for kindergarten, when a bully picks on your fifth-grader, when your daughter calls to say that the new baby has Down's Syndrome. He knows your mother-rage when a trusted babysitter sexually abuses your two-year-old, when someone gives your thirteen-year-old drugs, when someone seduces your seventeen-year-old. He knows the pain you live with when you come home to a quiet apartment where the only visitors are children, when you hear that your former husband and his new wife were sealed in the temple last week, when your fiftieth wedding anniversary rolls around and your husband has been dead for two years.
He knows all that.
He's been there.
He's been lower than all that.

He's not waiting for us to be perfect. Perfect people don't need a Savior. He came to save his people in their imperfections. He is the Lord of the living, and the living make mistakes. He's not embarrassed by us, angry at us, or shocked. He wants us in our brokenness, in our unhappiness, in our guilt and our grief.

I love this. I have been feeling this lately, but unable to express it as she did. I've just been feeling so strongly that we all have our very real, very different trials. We all feel pain and grief and fallibility and we all need the Savior. We all need the very individualized comfort and peace that only He can give. And we can all receive it, if we remember Him and turn to Him. There is no other way. And such a simple way! He is waiting to help us, He wants to bless us, and all we have to do is ask. I hope I can always remember how easy, and vital, this really is.

p.s. I was called to be the second counselor in the Primary presidency today (but I will be working with Activity Days instead of Scouts — yay!). It's been a long time since I have spent any significant time in Primary. I will be working with my dear friend Heidi, for whom I would do almost anything. Wish me luck!

Sunday thoughts

At my Institute class on Thursday, we were talking about Ezra, and we read the entry for him in the Bible Dictionary. The most interesting part to me is the following, which summarizes Ezra's teachings:

1. The promises of the Lord through his prophets shall all be fulfilled.
2. Discipline and patience are borne of disappointment.
3. There is eternal significance in everyday life.
4. Preparation is needed for the rule of Messiah, the law being the schoolmaster to bring men to Christ.

I especially love #3, and believe it wholeheartedly. But it's the kind of thing that, for me at least, bears repeating. Sometimes I need to be reminded that the things I do everyday matter, and that I need to be careful about my choices, my priorities.

I was just reading in my Book of Mormon commentary: We have agency, and the way we use our agency determines our future. Of course I know this, but it is so important, and it is a good reminder. It is also something that I really want to instill in my children.

I also believe that there is much beauty in everyday life.

Here is one of the most beautiful things that happened last week:

I think I have mentioned before that our new bishop interviews the sacrament meeting speakers each week and includes a little bio in the program. Since Lucas spoke last week, his bio was there, and it mentioned a love of peanut butter.

When Max went to a neighbor's house to teach a cello lesson (a new job!), our neighbors sent him home with a package for Lucas. Inside was a jar of peanut butter and a sweet card complimenting him in detail on the good job he did on his talk.

It was the nicest thing, and it touched me. Just an example of how everyday acts, gestures of kindness and thoughtfulness and goodness, can make our everyday lives significant and beautiful.

I really love the way acts of kindness have a domino effect, inspiring us to be more kind and think more of others.

Sunday thoughts

Today was the kind of day that just makes a mom proud.

Lucas gave his first talk in sacrament meeting. He didn't want any help preparing it, and he didn't show it to us when it was finished.

He did such a great job! He was very poised and didn't seem nervous at all. He got right to the point and shared pertinent quotes from the Conference talk he was assigned (it was about honoring the Aaronic Priesthood).

Best of all, it was the first time I have heard him bear his testimony. It definitely made me teary.

After church, he was set apart as the Deacon's quorum president. Our bishop gave him a wonderful blessing, in which he told Lucas that he would learn to discern and recognize the promptings of the Holy Ghost, which would serve him well his whole life through. He was urged to be a good example to his peers, told that he would be successful in school, and that he is to embrace positive emotions in his life.

Hallelujah!

Sunday thoughts

I stayed home sick from church today. The only thing I did to feed my spirit was that I listened to a Conversations podcast with Virginia Hinckley Pearce. It was good.

But I decided to share a quote that I stumbled upon the other day when I happened to see a BYU devotional given by Thomas S. Monson in 2007:

Faith and doubt cannot exist in the same mind at the same time, for one will dispel the other.

Should doubt knock at your doorway, just say to those skeptical, disturbing, rebellious thoughts, "I propose to stay with my faith, with the faith of my people. I know that happiness and contentment are there, and I forbid you, agnostic, doubting thoughts, to destroy the house of my faith."

This just jumped out at me, because lately I have wondered why doubting thoughts sometimes creep in. Even though I never really entertain them, they are disturbing!

It felt validating, somehow, that our prophet recognizes that this can happen. And that the solution is so simple! I can just tell those doubts to go away! Nice.

Sunday thoughts

First of all, a confession: last night I went to bed half-hoping I would wake up feeling too ill to go to church today. (Three members of my family are sick and I've had a scratchy throat and stomachache, so it seemed possible.)

I just had no enthusiasm for attending our new ward again and staying home sounded pretty good, even if I had to be sick to swing it.

Well I felt pretty good this morning, so Lucas and I went to church. On the way, I asked him how long he thought it would take until this new ward, this new building, stopped feeling so weird. (I was thinking about a year.) He said he didn't think it would take long at all, that it wasn't so weird. Well, then. He was the one I was most worried about! I guess I'm the one having the hardest time.

Today was ward conference, and it was great.

One speaker talked about Mosiah 2:41:

And moreover, I would desire that ye should consider on the happy and blessed state of those that keep the commandments of God. For behold, they are blessed in all things, both temporal and spiritual; and if they hold out faithful to the end they are received into heaven, that thereby they may dwell with God in a state of never-ending happiness. O remember, remember that these things are true, for the Lord God hath spoken it.

I already have a desire to keep the commandments of God. I know from experience that I am much, much happier when I am doing so. But this reminder of temporal and spiritual things being linked gave me even more motivation to increase my obedience. The temporal blessings that come from obedience are not necessarily riches, but a greater ability to meet our financial obligations. We really want to reduce our debt and are in need of temporal help, so this was a welcome reminder indeed.

Another speaker related this passage:

Sometimes we feel that the busier we are, the more important we are—as though our busyness defines our worth. Brothers and sisters, we can spend a lifetime whirling about at a feverish pace, checking off list after list of things that in the end really don’t matter.

That we do a lot may not be so important. That we focus the energy of our minds, our hearts, and our souls on those things of eternal significance—that is essential.

As the clatter and clamor of life bustle about us, we hear shouting to “come here” and to “go there.” In the midst of the noise and seductive voices that compete for our time and interest, a solitary figure stands on the shores of the Sea of Galilee, calling quietly to us, “Follow me.”

—Joseph B. Wirthlin, April 2002 General Conference

I love this. Lately I feel like I have been working at a feverish pace, and feeling empty. This was a much-needed reminder to focus my energies on the things that really matter.

In addition, a sweet lady (who introduced herself to me after the meeting in which we found out we would be changing wards) sat next to me in Gospel Doctrine. She remembered my name, and she asked where the rest of my family was. She complimented Lucas, who she had seen passing the sacrament. She pretty much made my day.

And I was reminded, yet again, that I have never regretted having gone to church.

Sunday thoughts

Today we attended our new ward for the first time. It was a little bit hard. The building is unfamiliar, as are most of the people. The Primary and Young Men's programs are quite a bit smaller (I don't know about the YW).

I'm impressed, however, with the efforts the existing ward members have made to reach out to us as new members. The Primary president came to meet Eva this week. The Relief Society presidency came to meet me. Three of our familiar members spoke in sacrament meeting today and there was a little sheet with the program that had short biographies of the speakers. Great idea!

I'm such an introvert—it's really hard for me to reach out and meet new people, especially when it is a whole ward full. So I know it will just take time to adjust. Maybe in a year or so, we'll all look back on this as a positive change...

One of the talks today was given by my dear friend Heidi. Her remarks came largely from two talks by Elder Carl B. Cook: one from General Conference and one from the January Ensign. My favorite parts:

[He spoke of being discouraged in the MTC about his mastery of a new language, then praying and receiving revelation that the Lord was pleased with him.] From that point on, my measuring stick changed. I no longer gauged my progress and success against that of my companion or other members of my district. Instead, I focused on how the Lord felt I was doing. Instead of looking to the side to compare myself to others, I began to look up, so to speak, to know what He thought of my efforts.

The world we live in today has all kinds of measurements—most of them external to us. . . Sometimes we’re judged by the way we look or by the car we drive. We might base our sense of self-worth on how many friends are writing on our wall on social networking sites. We worry about what others think about the person we’re dating or what people will think if we marry before finishing school. It’s easy to get caught up in trying to please others, but we can’t trust such external measurements; the world can be too quick both to praise and to criticize.

I think the challenge for all of us—but perhaps particularly for young adults—is to try not to look sideways to see how others are viewing our lives but to look up to see how Heavenly Father sees us. He doesn’t look on the outward appearance but on the heart (see 1 Samuel 16:7). And He knows, better than anyone else, what each one of us needs.

Experience has taught me that if we, like President Monson, exercise our faith and look to God for help, we will not be overwhelmed with the burdens of life. We will not feel incapable of doing what we are called to do or need to do. We will be strengthened, and our lives will be filled with peace and joy. We will come to realize that most of what we worry about is not of eternal significance—and if it is, the Lord will help us. But we must have the faith to look up and the courage to follow His direction.

This reminds me of something my grandmother used to say: that she had learned to stop worrying about what others thought of her—even those most close and dear—and focus instead on what the Lord thought of her. She would pray to see herself, for good or ill, through His eyes. Then she could know what she needed to change, and she could also feel the peace and acceptance of knowing she was loved for who she really was.

I just love this concept, and want to strengthen my abilities to look up.

Sunday thoughts on Monday

(Yesterday was a lovely foggy day—everything was flocked with a layer of frost.)

At 3:00, the members of two wards in our stake were called in to a special meeting, where boundary changes were announced.

Each member of the stake presidency spoke about how we are all called to do hard things, about how these changes will bring about much good.

But what really stood out to me was a reference to Caleb, in the book of Joshua, where he said, "Give me this mountain." I really don't know my Old Testament like I should, so this was not familiar to me. I looked it up tonight and thought about it.


9 And Moses sware on that day, saying, Surely the land whereon thy feet have trodden shall be thine inheritance, and thy children’s for ever, because thou hast wholly followed the Lord my God.

10 And now, behold, the Lord hath kept me alive, he said, these forty and five years, even since the Lord spake this word unto Moses, while the children of Israel wandered in the wilderness: and now, lo, I am this day fourscore and five years old.

11 As yet I am as strong this day as I was in the day that Moses sent me: as my strength was then, even so is my strength now, for war, both to go out, and to come in.

12 Now therefore give me this mountain, whereof the Lord spake in that day; for thou heardest in that day how the Anakims were there, and that the cities were great and fenced: if so be the Lord will be with me, then I shall be able to drive them out, as the Lord said. (emphasis mine)

And I found a talk by Spencer W. Kimball in October 1979, where he addressed this section of the scriptures:

From Caleb’s example we learn very important lessons. Just as Caleb had to struggle and remain true and faithful to gain his inheritance, so we must remember that, while the Lord has promised us a place in his kingdom, we must ever strive constantly and faithfully so as to be worthy to receive the reward.

Caleb concluded his moving declaration with a request and a challenge with which my heart finds full sympathy. The Anakims, the giants, were still inhabiting the promised land, and they had to be overcome. Said Caleb, now at 85 years, “Give me this mountain” (Josh. 14:12).

This is my feeling for the work at this moment. There are great challenges ahead of us, giant opportunities to be met. I welcome that exciting prospect and feel to say to the Lord, humbly, “Give me this mountain,” give me these challenges.

Humbly, I give this pledge to the Lord and to you, my beloved brothers and sisters, fellow workers in this sacred cause of Christ: I will go forward, with faith in the God of Israel, knowing that he will guide and direct us, and lead us, finally, to the accomplishment of his purposes and to our promised land and our promised blessings.

I just love this.

I am not there yet. I sat and cried when I heard that we and some of our neighbors will be moving to a new ward. I am so sad for Lucas, who is leaving a great Deacon's quorum and wonderful leaders. I cried when some of my young women came and hugged me. I am sad for all of the people that I will miss, for the ward family that I have loved.

I am not ready to ask for challenges, but as they are given to me, I want to, as Caleb, wholly follow the Lord my God. I want to go forward with faith. And I am grateful for the scriptures and prophets who inspire and comfort me.

Sunday thoughts

Today we went as a family to the monthly Special Needs Mutual sacrament meeting. (Max has been attending regularly, but we have never accompanied him before.)

It was so sweet.

One of the youth counselors spoke. His buddy is a boy with Down's syndrome. His older brother was buddies with the same boy last year! He talked about what he has learned from his buddy in just a few short months — how he feels accepted for who he is, how he has a new, unconditional friend, and the fun they have teasing each other.

Then he helped his buddy to give his talk. He was very difficult to understand, but I was able to pick out the words:

ice cream
Special Needs Mutual
buddy

And when he was finished, he said, "Jesus Christ, AMEN," loudly and clearly and with a look of immense relief on his face. It was pretty adorable.

His mother spoke next about the joys of having him in their family.

Then all the youth and youth counselors (who were sitting on the stand) stood and sang and signed In This Very Room.

In case you haven't heard it, here are the lyrics:

In this very room there's quite enough love for one like me,
And in this very room there's quite enough joy for one like me,
And there's quite enough hope and quite enough power to chase away any gloom,
For Jesus, Lord Jesus ... is in this very room.

And in this very room there's quite enough love for all of us,
And in this very room there's quite enough joy for all of us,
And there's quite enough hope and quite enough power to chase away any gloom,
For Jesus, Lord Jesus ... is in this very room.

In this very room there's quite enough love for all the world,
And in this very room there's quite enough joy for all the world,
And there's quite enough hope and quite enough power to chase away any gloom,
For Jesus, Lord Jesus ... is in this very room.

Even with my antidepressant-induced emotion blocking, I was brought to tears.

Afterward, we were able to meet Max's buddy, Robbie, and his father.

It was a very worthwhile meeting!

Sunday thoughts

A beautiful thing I heard at church today:

We have a lovely couple in our ward from Japan. They moved here for a few years so they could experience how the church works here, then they plan to go back to Japan and teach others. He blessed their new baby boy today and it was a wonderful blessing. My favorite part was when he blessed his son that he would learn to love and respect women from the influence of his mother and sisters. I loved that.

Sunday thoughts

I've been reviewing my notes from Time Out For Women, and there is so much good stuff in there, I am overwhelmed by it all. So I just picked something that Hilary Weeks shared:


She decided to ask Heavenly Father in her morning prayer each day which one thing was most important for her to do during that day. Most often, her answers were small things, such as emailing a friend or writing a note to her daughter. And frequently, she would discover, after the fact, that following through on that one small act was an answer to someone else's prayer, and a great blessing to herself.

There is a special kind of peace at the end of the day when you know you have done the most important thing you could have for that day. (I would like to experience that!)

Heavenly Father will be as much a part of our lives as we will let him be.