Sunday thoughts

Today we attended our new ward for the first time. It was a little bit hard. The building is unfamiliar, as are most of the people. The Primary and Young Men's programs are quite a bit smaller (I don't know about the YW).

I'm impressed, however, with the efforts the existing ward members have made to reach out to us as new members. The Primary president came to meet Eva this week. The Relief Society presidency came to meet me. Three of our familiar members spoke in sacrament meeting today and there was a little sheet with the program that had short biographies of the speakers. Great idea!

I'm such an introvert—it's really hard for me to reach out and meet new people, especially when it is a whole ward full. So I know it will just take time to adjust. Maybe in a year or so, we'll all look back on this as a positive change...

One of the talks today was given by my dear friend Heidi. Her remarks came largely from two talks by Elder Carl B. Cook: one from General Conference and one from the January Ensign. My favorite parts:

[He spoke of being discouraged in the MTC about his mastery of a new language, then praying and receiving revelation that the Lord was pleased with him.] From that point on, my measuring stick changed. I no longer gauged my progress and success against that of my companion or other members of my district. Instead, I focused on how the Lord felt I was doing. Instead of looking to the side to compare myself to others, I began to look up, so to speak, to know what He thought of my efforts.

The world we live in today has all kinds of measurements—most of them external to us. . . Sometimes we’re judged by the way we look or by the car we drive. We might base our sense of self-worth on how many friends are writing on our wall on social networking sites. We worry about what others think about the person we’re dating or what people will think if we marry before finishing school. It’s easy to get caught up in trying to please others, but we can’t trust such external measurements; the world can be too quick both to praise and to criticize.

I think the challenge for all of us—but perhaps particularly for young adults—is to try not to look sideways to see how others are viewing our lives but to look up to see how Heavenly Father sees us. He doesn’t look on the outward appearance but on the heart (see 1 Samuel 16:7). And He knows, better than anyone else, what each one of us needs.

Experience has taught me that if we, like President Monson, exercise our faith and look to God for help, we will not be overwhelmed with the burdens of life. We will not feel incapable of doing what we are called to do or need to do. We will be strengthened, and our lives will be filled with peace and joy. We will come to realize that most of what we worry about is not of eternal significance—and if it is, the Lord will help us. But we must have the faith to look up and the courage to follow His direction.

This reminds me of something my grandmother used to say: that she had learned to stop worrying about what others thought of her—even those most close and dear—and focus instead on what the Lord thought of her. She would pray to see herself, for good or ill, through His eyes. Then she could know what she needed to change, and she could also feel the peace and acceptance of knowing she was loved for who she really was.

I just love this concept, and want to strengthen my abilities to look up.

Sunday thoughts

I've been reading a book this week that has really given me a lot to think about: Through His Eyes: Rethinking What You Believe About Yourself, by Virginia Pearce.

I have underlined so many things so far, I couldn't possibly share them all. So I'll just give you a few highlights, and say... I really recommend this book.

"In his personal history, Joseph Smith described his audience as "inquirers after truth." I like everything about that descriptive title: inquirer after truth. It seems to imply humility, courage, faith, an allegiance to straight thinking, a kind of mental toughness. I believe it is a description I would like to own myself – the kind of person I would like to be.

"In order to be inquirers after truth, you and I must be willing to embark with enthusiasm on a personal adventure. It is a journey outside as well as inside of ourselves. . . In essence, it requires the periodic exercise of taking everything out of the closet of our minds and purposefully returning only that which is truly useful – or actually true. Over and over again."

"Each of us is largely the product of his or her beliefs. Our behavior is governed by these. They become our standards of conduct." – President Gordon B. Hinckley

The first step is to brainstorm about the things you believe, about yourself, about others, about God, and the way the world works.

"This is where you need to be a fearless inquirer after truth. There may be some information that you're not really proud of or that seems ridiculous."

The next step is to examine your beliefs and decide which of them are true and which are not true at all. Sort the ones that are true into eternal truths and general worldly truths, because sometimes in adhering to our worldly beliefs, we get in the way of our eternal progress.

"Emotions reflect our beliefs and expectations. They do not initiate themselves, coming out of nowhere, as we sometimes think. . . This is where we, as inquirers after truth, have to be willing to be a bit brave. . . We can change our thinking as we reassess and examine our beliefs for their validity. And when our thinking changes, our emotions will change automatically."

"Emotions become debilitating and pathologic when they are driven by 1) lies posing as truth, or 2) small truths unsupported by big Truths."

"Expect to become more aware of the Spirit operating in your life. That's when you are an honest inquirer after truth."

I love the way Sister Pearce is real, the way she gives experiences from her own life and her own thinking. I am engaged in some serious soul-searching this week (which I'm sure will be ongoing), with the aim of becoming an honest inquirer after truth. Care to join me?

40 &...

So. Here's the thing: I'm turning 40 this month.

You should know that I have never yet cared about any of my birthdays. I mean, I enjoy my birthdays, but I have never cared about my age. And I had no plans to change that.

When my darling aunt Denise turned 40 a few years ago, I decided that 40 must not be too bad! She is darling and young and vibrant.

But in the last month or so, a little bit of caring has been creeping up on me out of nowhere.

It may have something to do with the fact that I developed symptoms of carpal tunnel syndrome and had to get a root canal, all while going to physical therapy 3x a week for my knee treatments. What? I'm 39 and it feels like my body is starting to fall apart!

Right now, I feel like I'm almost 40 & fat, and 40 & a little frightened. But I'm determined to become 40 & fabulous.

At least I'm working on my knees. And I started a diet yesterday (for the first time in about 10 years!!). I'm told that 40 is a great time, a time of rediscovering yourself, having a little more time and freedom to devote to interests/passions that have had to be put on the back burner for, oh, let's just say a very long time.

I can do this. Right??

Sunday thoughts

These Sunday thoughts are brought to you yet again by Time Out for Women, this time from speaker Brad Wilcox. (He was amazing, by the way.)

Changing weaknesses into strengths

2 Ne. 25:23 It is by grace we are saved, after (in spite of, apart from) all we can do.

Grace doesn’t kick in when our energy is gone, it’s a constant source of energy and light that helps us through. We may experience his grace before, during, and after our own efforts.

Because God loves us, he accepts any offering, even when we know it is not our best.

He is much more concerned with the offerer than the offering.

What Mormon woman has mediocrity as her goal? Name one! (If we were talking to the Priesthood brethren, it would be a little different.)

*After all, what can we do?

We need to focus on the Savior’s sacrifice instead of our own offering to God. All of our doing has an end – to become.

Instead of asking if we have been saved by grace, we ought to ask if we have been changed by grace.

The miracle of the atonement is not just its power to return us home, it’s the power to transform us. We need to be cleansed so that we can stay in God’s presence, but we need to be changed so that we will want to stay. We will all go back to God’s presence. The question is: how long will we stay there? How comfortable will we be there? Heaven will not be heaven to those who have not chosen to become heavenly.

We are not earning our way to heaven, we are preparing ourselves to live there.

*After all we can do – me and the Savior, together.

D&C 123:17 Therefore, dearly beloved brethren, let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed.

We do not reach heaven by supplementing. We reach heaven by covenanting. It is a relationship that is greater than the sum of its parts.

If we see the Savior’s requirements as too much to ask, it’s only because we do not see things through the Savior’s eyes. The purpose of his requirements is change.

When we feel discouraged, we need to remember that we have Emmanuel – God with us. We have a good shepherd who seeks after us again and again, as long as it takes.

I find this all to be hugely reassuring. I have so many, many weaknesses. I know that I need that grace to help me to accomplish everything I do, and I love the idea of having constant access to energy and light. I love the thought that God is more concerned with the offerer than the offering, that is so hopeful! I so want to be transformed by the Savior's atonement. And I love knowing that even with all of my mistakes and weaknesses and foolishness, I can still be in the process of becoming one who is changed, and that the Savior will not give up on me. I find I need to be reminded of this again and again.

Sunday thoughts

I am so fired up from going to Women's Conference. There is power and strength in gathering with so many like-minded women to be instructed and uplifted.

It's hard to pick a best part, but Sister Beck's talk at the opening session is also pretty hard to beat. We all agreed that it was worth the price of admission all on its own. (I took 7 pages of notes.)

Here are my highlights:

• What is your mission? We all have a mission to develop ourselves and to build up the kingdom of God, but we should each put some thought into our individual missions.

• Taking care of our posterity takes precedence over all other things.

• Rebekah in the Old Testament had a very full mortal experience. She was one of the most pivotal people in history. She knew how to receive personal revelation.

• We are only limited by our faithfulness and our willingness to achieve.

• Go to the temple and listen to the promises the Lord has given you. Listen to the blessings and who is giving them.

• When we have the Spirit with us, we can literally walk with God. We can discern His will – we can gain the ultimate education.

• How do we choose to walk with the Lord?

know our responsibilities
increase in faith and personal righteousness
seek out and help others in need
the power of a group working together in faith is immense

• A mother is the lioness at the gate. Whatever is important to her will be important to her family, because she will make sure of it. She will devote her life to preparing her cubs to go out and serve the Lord.

• When our priorities are out of order, we lose power.

• Divide the things in your life into: essential, necessary, and nice to do. Each person's lists will be different, but many of our essentials are the same (prayer, scripture study, repentance, revelation).

• The essential things: if I don't take care of these, my eternal progression may be compromised. Know the mind and will of God. How can I help my family? What things do I need to correct?

• Necessary: Homemaking takes on new meaning when we are striving to make a home where the Spirit can dwell. Create a house of order. Be kind to your husband. Lay aside the things of the world. Become self-reliant. Love each other.

• Nice to do: Projects, having lunch with friends, leisure reading, entertainment. These things will not save us. When our priority is here, we are neglecting what is essential and necessary.

• The swing shift is when the lioness needs to be at the top of her game. When everyone comes home tired, hungry, and less lovable, they are also the most teachable and the most grateful. Prioritize where you're going to spend your energy so that you are available at this crucial time.

• Take a pencil and paper with you when you say your prayers.

• Those that are strong, take with you those that are weak.

• Visiting teaching is the best kind of friendship.

• Visiting teachers are first responders.

• Get a new copy of the Book of Mormon. Write in the front:

1. Who am I?
2. What are my responsibilities in the House of Israel?
3. How do I fulfill my responsibilities?

Record the answers you find.

• Be a Rebekah in your own generation. She never saw the outcome of her commitment during her lifetime, but her life had limitless impact.

• If we will do our part, He will walk with us, and we can walk with Him.

Jill, Kristi and I decided that we simply cannot just walk away from this conference and return to the status quo. We can't reconvene next year as the same people that we were this year. We're going to set goals based on the things we learned and be accountable to each other.

I have so much to think about, and many things to change.

Sunday thoughts

Today was Fast Sunday for us, since we had stake conference last week.

A man in our ward bore his testimony and said:

It's been said that men marry women for who they are, and women marry men for who they can become.

Suzy's always been the girl of my dreams. Recently, I've been thinking that it's time I became the man she's been waiting 30 years for me to become.

I'm thankful that the gospel of Jesus Christ enables us to know that we can become who we are meant to be, and that we are meant to be great.

Hear, hear! I think this was just what I needed to hear today.

drowning in good ideas

It's funny, I sat down to post last night, and looked at Jill's latest post first. She wrote about just what I was going to. I went to bed instead.

But today, I'm going to do it anyway. You know, because this is my record. So feel free to skip it, if you like.

Collette invited us to an 8-week organizing class taught by Marie Ricks from houseoforder.com. I think I am a prime candidate for such class. So much, in fact, that after attending the lecture last week, I felt completely overwhelmed. I didn't do one thing differently last week. I think Jenn said it best when she said, "I'm drowning in good ideas."

This week was different. I felt really motivated, and I've already started to make some changes.

But first, my notes:

Kitchen organization ideas

- Clear off the counters. When we place something on the counter, it gives everyone else permission to put stuff there as well. (Isn't that the truth?) If you keep surfaces clean, people are less likely to dirty it.

- Are the items on our counters "friends" or "freeloaders"? If something could go somewhere else, try to find it a different home. (example, she found she didn't really use her knife block, so she got rid of it. And she hates the way toasters look, so she keeps hers in a cupboard.)

- Put the things you use most within easiest reach.

- Get rid of anything that doesn't work.

- If there is anything that doesn't really belong in the kitchen, move it.

- Use drawer dividers, even ones that you make out of boxes if necessary, to maximize your space and minimize shifting.

- Drawers are more useful than shelves. Wherever possible, use dishpans or other inexpensive, open containers to create a pull-out drawer.

- Store like things behind like things, unlike things next to each other.

- Go to work with what you have and make it work for you.

Paperwork

- Papers that are confined or kept for the long-term should be in files. Papers that you use frequently should be in binders.

- Create a household binder with a tab for each family member. Store schedules and the like behind each person's tab. Have a numbers tab where you keep important phone numbers, account numbers, etc. Copy everything in your wallet and file it here for use in case of theft.

- Journal binders. Create a binder for each family member with tabs for each year of his/her life. It's just as easy to file them in a binder as in a file, and it will be complete when a child leaves home. Children will be much less likely to organize their papers later on, so this is a gift to them. File important papers and a sampling of the best school papers from each year. Be selective about what you save and file.

- Create an identity binder with copies of important documents. Keep one in a safety deposit box. Include detailed physical descriptions, photographs, fingerprints, copies of social security numbers, driver's licenses, birth certificates, deeds, insurance info.

This is where I felt completely overwhelmed. I think this is all good information, and I'm keeping it to work on at some point. Just not right this minute. Now on to the part that really got me thinking and moving.

Time management

- He who prepares early prepares without work. (example: looking at your Primary lesson at the beginning of the week means that your mind will subconsciously be working on it all week long, making connections, getting ideas -- much better than waiting until Saturday.)

- The law of firsts: When you put the most important things into your day/week/month first, everything else fills in nicely. (examples: pay tithing as soon as you are paid, exercise in the morning, do your visiting teaching by the 15th, read scriptures in the morning, pay bills at the first of the month)

- We cannot neglect the law of firsts with our families and have our children grow up to be safe. If your spouse will not support you in this, do it alone.

- You will be blessed by aligning your priorities with the Lord's.

- Evaluate activities that are important vs. activities that are urgent. Try to address the urgent things that come up before they become urgent. Most of us live on the edge in one way or another. (examples: letting our prescriptions get to the very end before we refill them, running out of printer ink or gas in the car, etc.) Move away from urgency.

- What are we avoiding or postponing? Address those things.

- Think of your life as a wagon wheel. You are the hub. Take care of yourself first, then your spouse, then your children and any of the other spokes coming out from you. Then turn your attention and energy (if any remains) outward to the world. So many of us have this reversed.

- Figure out what your prime time is every day. When are you most alert, have the most energy? Do important tasks then. Take advantage of your natural energy highs and lows.

- Take advantage of your most alone time every day. True alone time means that no one is asking you a question, you don't have to answer the phone, and there is no media interrupting your spirit. Use your most alone time to: plan, prepare, think, and ponder. We all have more peace and calm when we have at least some alone time every day.

- A child who is loved well becomes a mighty force for good. Whatever stage of life you are in, saturate yourself with its joys.

- Only when we give up what doesn't matter are we empowered to do what is really important.

- Schedule more "launch time" and "land time" for your tasks and activities. We live in halfway houses of clutter because we don't take time for landing, or putting things away completely.

- Don't answer the phone 20 minutes before you need to leave or you will be late.

- The spirit of a family on Sunday is determined by the mother's mood as she enters the chapel. Increase your launch time.

- Address whatever is not working and figure out how to make it work.

- Never wait uselessly. Have a plan of what you will do during wait time: read, write a note, find an opportunity to teach something to your children.

- Whenever you say yes to something, you are saying no to something else, and vice versa. Pull back and evaluate so you can make decisions with wisdom.

- Take control of your own life.

- Don't mistake activity for accomplishment. Do things less often, but better, and double your capacity. A different approach can make you much more efficient.

- Give yourself permission to play. The person who never plays is not fun to be around. Allow yourself, your spouse, and your children to see the fun side of you. (I am choosing to interpret this as playing games and doing things that are fun to me. Quite often, the things that Eva wants me to do are not fun to me. At all.)

- Alternate what you are doing to give yourself energy to go on. Vary active tasks with sedentary ones, boring tasks with stimulating ones, activities we enjoy with those we don't. Stop before you are tired whenever possible.

- When planning your day, divide it into 6 sections: already in cement, things I would like to do, odds & ends, dinner, sit-down activities, and inspiration. Also, make your life easier by figuring out what you'll serve for dinner before noon.

This, in particular, made me think. I am queen of making lists, but often I'm not so good at prioritizing tasks. I tried it yesterday and was thrilled. I certainly didn't accomplish everything on my list, but I did do the most important things.

Better still, I felt completely in charge of myself yesterday. I felt like I could do anything. I felt like changes were on the horizon. Like this was going to be a great year. It was so empowering!

(So what happened today? Well, it was Creative Friday and I didn't really have any other obligations, so I didn't even make a plan for the day.)

one little word 2010

In 2009, I chose to focus on the word progress:

"I think it will be good for me to focus on making progress. I still have a lot of areas I'd like to improve in, but I want to be able to applaud myself for every little movement I make in the right direction. I want to be pleased with what I accomplish, rather than upset with all that I have not yet accomplished. I want to learn to accept myself where I am, right now, be gentle with my efforts to improve, and appreciative of any and all growth. For a perfectionist like me, I think it will prove to be a real challenge."

Looking back, I wonder if this choice of word was a bit of a cop-out. Maybe I was disillusioned with my ability to fully embrace free (for 2 years!). I think maybe I was just overwhelmed and feeling the need to be kind to myself.

I find myself wondering if I never really got to the point of accepting "progress, not perfection", because now I am back to desiring real change. Actually, I think I did a great job at the acceptance part -- perhaps not as well as I could have at the progressing part. In any case, I still feel that progress was what I needed at the time. But now, I need something different.

After considering several words for the past week or so, I have narrowed my selection to:

PLAN

I had a bit of an epiphany when I realized that, for all of the things that I really want to accomplish this year, probably the biggest roadblock I would face would be a lack of planning. Could it really be that simple? That by having more frequent meetings with myself, as Jill says, I could put into action so many of the things that I want to have happen in my life? I think it could. In fact, I'm feeling really optimistic.

I did a quick search for some quotes, and now I am feeling even better about my choice:

Plan your work for today and every day, then work your plan. -- Norman Vincent Peale

Setting a goal is not the main thing. It is deciding how you will go about achieving it and staying with that plan. -- Tom Landry

It takes as much energy to wish as it does to plan. -- Eleanor Roosevelt

If you don't design your own life plan, chances are you'll fall into someone else's plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much. -- Jim Rohn

A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow. -- George S. Patton

Reduce your plan to writing. The moment you complete this, you will have definitely given concrete form to the intangible desire. -- Napoleon Hill

If you fail to plan, plan to fail. (unknown)

The Eleanor Roosevelt one is really resonating with me.

So if you're like me, and you are wondering how you can get more out of the experience of having a word for the year, here are some ideas:

1. Every time you make a list, write your word at the top of it, so it is always in front of you. I saw this in a comment on Ali Edwards' blog, and loved it. The act of repeatedly writing my word will, I think, keep it from becoming just another sign on the fridge that I don't see anymore. Heaven knows I make a lot of lists, so this may just be genius.

2. Make a wordle with quotes about your word or just your feelings about it. It's easy and fun!

3. Download this worksheet. Then fill it out! I'm planning to do this, I see it as a fleshing-out of my intentions and plans for the year.

Here's to a year of positive change in 2010!!

changes

Some things are different around here. For instance, I didn't have to stay by Eva's side at the park. She surprised me by running off to play on her own.

She only came back crying once, saying that a little girl had pushed her off of the train. Just as I was questioning her about the incident, the little girl's father came over. He apologized and then had his daughter apologize. Eva was appropriately mollified, so I guess that even though she didn't understand the words they were saying, she understood the message.

Max and Lucas did their favorite thing at the Champ de Mars park -- ping pong -- but this time, they were joined by 3 French boys. It was interesting watching their rudimentary French/English communication. They played a game where they could all play at once instead of waiting for the table, pretty clever.

For those of you that have visited us here, you might be surprised (as I was) to discover that the Shopi grocery store across the street is gone, and has been replaced by Carrefour City. It isn't all that different from Shopi, but it sure is a lot more crowded! (I don't know why, but I am surprised by changes here. I guess I think of Paris as being such an old city, and I expect it to stay the same.) **But I forgot to add the best part -- instead of closing at 7pm, it's open until 11:45! Convenience in Paris?! Who knew?

We discovered that a new location of Amorino (wonderful gelato) opened up on Rue Cler, a favorite street right by our apartment. Change can be good.

{I will not, however, be changing my profile picture. I don't have a flat-iron here, it is humid, my hair is a disaster, and I have bags under my eyes. I am so not cute.}

new haircut

So, this photo is blurry, but it is the one that best represents my new haircut. (Mom left Jessie & I some money to get our hair done -- Jessie knows a girl that comes to her house.)

I wanted to get that inverse bob that is so popular right now, but Natalie thought it wouldn't work for my hair. To quote, "your hair would look like a mushroom". OK, then. I love that style, but I guess I don't want a mushroom head.

I really like how it turned out anyway, but I have three concerns:

1. It will most likely never look this good again (when I style it).
2. When I let it go curly, as I did today, it is not cute.
3. I feel like my face (all of me, really) looks larger when I have shorter hair. I have no idea whether or not that is actually true, but that is my fear and I can't seem to get any objectivity about it.

Anyway... I do feel like I have a style now, and that is rare for me. Thanks, Mom.

(Jessie declined to participate in any hair documentation.)

baby steps

So... today was the first Sunday as our new ward. I was so relieved to be in the same ward with my security blanket of neighbors, I really didn't think it would be so hard.

I was asked to substitute in Primary, and I had to rush to the library for some materials beforehand, so I didn't meet one person today (unless you count the four children I didn't know in my class).

All of the auxiliary presidencies were sustained today. I wasn't prepared for how strange it would feel to not have a calling (there was a massive group release in stake conference for anyone switching wards). I didn't realize how lonely it would feel to walk (albeit briskly) down the halls, not seeing very many familiar faces.

I was concerned for my children, I feared it would be difficult for them to have new teachers, new classmates, but they handled it beautifully. It was harder for me, and I didn't see that coming. I didn't even see any of my neighbors today!

I think I'm in mourning a little bit, really missing the ease and comfort of the way things used to be.

I'm sure it will get better, easier. For once, I'm urging along the passing of time.

relieved

Today was our stake conference where we found out about all of the boundary changes for our wards. We were way in the back of the gym and couldn't see the screen very well, so for awhile we thought we were cut off from our good neighbors on both sides. I was sitting there feeling a little sick to my stomach, suffering from some serious ward envy.

I was upset to discover that I was one of those people, the ones they were worried about who would be distressed and struggling over these changes! Damn. I don't want to be one of those people.

Imagine my delight when we were leaving the meeting and got a hard copy of the map -- we are in the same ward with our good neighbors (and the new bishop we already know and admire). Still a lot of people we don't know yet, but I feel like now I don't have to go so far out of my comfort zone.

So... I'm really relieved. And slightly disappointed in myself.

is change good?

A member of our stake presidency spoke in sacrament meeting today. He informed us that, at our stake conference in two weeks, the ward boundaries will be changing. He counseled us to prepare our hearts for change.

I will try.

But I absolutely hate the thought of our ward changing. It is without a doubt the most loving, harmonious ward I have ever lived in, and at just under 10 years, it is also the longest I have ever lived in one ward. I love all the members of our congregation, and I can't stand the thought of some of them leaving! Or maybe we'll be the ones to leave. Our leaders will most likely change. Our callings may change. Our visiting teaching assignments may change. Even the time we meet may change. I just have to keep telling myself:

Change is good.
Change is good. (Right?)