Sunday thoughts

Again, from my Women's Conference notes:

The Best Measure of Greatness is How Christlike We Are
(Kathy Clayton & Elaine S. Dalton)

• As daughters of God, the best is none too good for us.

• The only standard against which we should measure ourselves and our behavior is the Savior. (Just what my grandma used to say.)

• When we are more patient with ourselves, we also view others with greater charity.

• Lifting others lifts us as well.

• True greatness requires noticing things that need to be done and doing them.

• Charity is there because Christ is there. It endures because He does.

• "There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal." – C. S. Lewis You are not ordinary. You are the Lord's special daughters.

• Pure love cannot come from an impure source. We must purify ourselves in order to receive that pure love.

• "Women are the one, bright shining hope in the world." – President Hinckley

• We must never lose sight of our divine nature.

• More than an action, charity is a state of the heart - seeing others as God sees them, the nobility within.

• Nearly all young women can be brought back, softened, and brought to a knowledge of her divine nature, by love.

• This gift does not come easily because it is in direct opposition to the natural man.

• The world would change people by changing their environment. Christ changes people and then they change their own environment.

• Will each of you today commit to reach out to someone daily? Small acts of charity can bring about miracles.

• What really matters in this life is helping others win – even if it means slowing down, and changing our course.

My favorite things about this class were the thoughts about measuring ourselves only against the Savior, rather than each other, and trying to help others win even if it slows us down or changes our course. They go right along with two things my grandma used to say:

"I have learned that what I do only has to be okay with me and the Savior."
"It is right to do your best, not to best another."

I always feel better about myself when I stop comparing myself to others. (It's not easy to do, though!) You would think that comparing yourself with the Savior would make you feel worse about yourself, since we can never measure up to His perfect life. But if we strive to see ourselves as He does, we get a much more accurate view of the big picture. He is so kind, so merciful. He can show us our strengths as well as our weaknesses, and He helps to turn our weaknesses into strengths. And best of all, it frees us from worrying about what others think and from measuring ourselves against worldly standards.

Seeing others as the Lord does would help me immensely, and this is a gift that I need to actively seek. It reminds me of this post by my sweet cousin Charlotte.

Being happy for the success of others is another of my overarching goals. I know that there is enough success for all, and that the success of one person does not take anything away from the success of another. Helping others to succeed is even better! The part about maybe having to slow down or change course really struck a chord with me – this is something I am going to try to keep in mind as I go about my mothering (and other) duties.

Man, I have so much work to do.

Creative Friday

This week we had Creative Friday on Thursday because Jill will be otherwise occupied tomorrow afternoon (helping with Whitney's Valentine party at school). As usual (or possibly more than usual), I reeeaallly needed Creative Friday this week, so I was happy and grateful that Jill suggested rescheduling so as not to have to wait until next Friday... I need my sanity saver.

Eva came right over and squeezed into our self-portrait!

Jill even brought lunch this week, a real treat after the week(s) I've had.

We spent the whole time creating our homekeeping boxes that we learned about in our organizing class last night. We were so excited about it that we took a field trip to Walmart after class to buy supplies!

We thought we would do other projects after completing our boxes, but they took longer than we had planned. No matter. The combination of striped index cards, colorful tabs, and impending organization and freedom was nearly intoxicating.

I think this was a great project to do together, because we could help each other figure it out and share ideas. And by that I mean that Jill helped me figure it out and gave me ideas, as usual. {Photo by Jill}

Jill's box. This is so pleasing, right?

As is this.

Jill took this photo of Eva drawing a dinosaur. I love its red eyes. She also gave us quite a roaring demonstration and asked me to video the display. Maybe next time.

Do her "movie star teeth" remind anyone else of a certain fish?? (Don't worry, Eva, you wear them well.)

Again, Jill takes the best angles. I love this photo of our C.F. table and work in progress. It makes me happy.

one little word

After two years of focusing on the word free, I found I was having a hard time letting go.

I've been working on being:

free of negative self-talk
free of stuff I don't need or use
free of excess weight
free of the constraints I put on myself

After two years of free-thinking, I have managed to get rid of a LOT of stuff that I don't need or use. I've even managed to change my thinking about stuff quite a bit -- I don't want as much as I used to, I don't want to have to take care of and organize that much stuff. Throwing things out and giving things away has had a very freeing effect.

As far as negative self-talk and constraints I put on myself.... I think I have made some progress. I could certainly do more in that department.

As for excess weight... sigh. I'm no better off there than I was when I started.

In truth, I could see myself sticking with that word forever... or at least a good long time, but I felt like maybe I was losing focus. The cute green polka-dot Free sign on my fridge was starting to be just another part of my landscape, rather than a motivational dictum.

So I started trying on different words. At first, I thought about choosing something that comes a little more easily to me... say, calm. But even though I do work at being calm, I knew that wouldn't really be a stretch. Then, I tried some other words, but they all ended up just being synonymous with free.

Finally, I found it:

prog⋅ress

  –noun

1.	a movement toward a goal or to a further or higher stage

2.	advancement in general.

3.	growth or development; continuous improvement

4.	the development of an individual or society in a direction considered more beneficial than and superior to the previous level.

5.	forward or onward movement

–verb

6.	to go forward or onward in space or time

7.	to grow or develop

I think it will be good for me to focus on making progress. I still have a lot of areas I'd like to improve in, but I want to be able to applaud myself for every little movement I make in the right direction. I want to be pleased with what I accomplish, rather than upset with all that I have not yet accomplished. I want to learn to accept myself where I am, right now, be gentle with my efforts to improve, and appreciative of any and all growth.

For a perfectionist like me, I think it will prove to be a real challenge.

spt -- love, me

This week's challenge was: what will you do for yourself this Valentine's Day?

I decided to give affirmations another try. In the past, I have shunned them, because my negative self-talk is so deeply entrenched, my brain immediately rejects them. But, in my efforts to free myself of negative thoughts, I'm giving it another go. Maybe if I persist, I will be able to get around my first reaction and train my brain to go in a more positive direction. A girl can hope, right?

and just because I love them so, I bought myself a bag of holiday m&ms and gave them a hug, Eva-style.

making an impact

Two recent incidents that reminded me yet again how an ordinary person just going about her daily life can have an impact on others:

1. While getting my hair done on Saturday, I was telling my stylist about all of the bloggers I know who have recently become runners, or otherwise made big positive changes in their lives. I explained that while I am genuinely thrilled for all of your accomplishments, it has made me wonder more than a few times why I can't seem to pull it together and make the changes that I really want to bring about in my life. In my typically self-deprecating style, I said, "What is fundamentally wrong with me that I can't seem to do this?".

She walked away for a few minutes while my color was processing, and when she returned, she firmly put her hands on my shoulders, looked me in the eye and said, "There is nothing wrong with you." Then she told me her theory about how each of us has varying levels of energy, and we do what we can with the energy we have. She said she has observed my mothering when I have brought Max & Eva in for haircuts and she knows where most of my energy is expended. She spoke to me in such a serious, commanding, and slightly emotional way -- I felt as if I had no choice but to listen to her. It made me slightly weepy to have someone champion me in that way. I wish I could have her come over every day to reassure me there is nothing wrong with me!

2. During Sharing Time last Sunday, a member of our Primary presidency was teaching the children from the scriptures. She stopped and asked if they knew who put the little footnote letters in there. The children looked puzzled, and one girl tentatively said maybe the same people who wrote the scriptures. The pres. member just smiled and said, "No, actually, it was me!"

She went on to tell us that when she was in college, she was an exceptionally fast and accurate typist. One of her roommates had a data entry job, but then had to quit because she was moving away. This sister took over her job, and the data entry she was given ended up being all of the cross-references between the Book of Mormon and the Bible (at the time they each had their own footnotes but they didn't refer to each other). She worked on that project for eight years!

She explained to the children that she was absolutely nothing special, she grew up in Delta, but that she had a skill -- and that skill was put to use to do something that eventually would help many many people. She then told them that they would all have an important work to do, and that their job is to learn all they can and keep themselves pure so that they will be ready when it comes along.

I thought it was a great lesson for the children, and it got me thinking about what I could be doing, right now, to help others. I guess it's an every day -- and lifelong -- quest.

spt -- fill in the blanks

the other day, i was in my _____________, and i noticed this _______________. my only thought was, "why do i still have this hanging around my house?!?"

Sadly, I was a bit overwhelmed by this challenge, because I have so many many things that I feel this way about! We have a small house with limited storage, and I often have a hard time getting rid of things. Pair that with the fact that I have a tendency to stop seeing the piles and errant objects -- they seem to just become a part of my landscape -- and you've got a deadly combination.

My basket of Christmas cards, that never got put away and has now become a receptacle for random coupons, lists, and good mail. Good grief.

A rug I hung over the deck railing a long time ago to dry or air out, I can't even remember now. I think it needs to be trashed now.

A bag of loose recipes that we came across when we cleaned out my cookbook cupboard. The plan was for me to go through them, decide which ones I wanted to keep, and find a way to organize them. Instead, it's been sitting next to my dresser for months. Sheesh. (and the carpet samples! I think I can get rid of those now...)

This is a little embarrassing (well, this whole spt is, actually) -- I still have a Christmas wreath on the door! I guess I've stopped seeing it as a Christmas decoration and have started viewing it as just a little door decor. That has to come down today, even if I don't have anything to replace it with until spring.

The ice on our front steps. We haven't been vigilant enough about snow shoveling, and we ran out of our rock salt. I chipped away at these with the shovel this morning, to no avail. It's annoying, and it's a liability. Seriously. Am I just waiting for a warm day to melt it all?

So now you know why I need to focus on freeing myself from clutter! It seems that my biggest battles are the ones I have to fight within myself.

self-improvement

We had an amazing sacrament meeting today, and I knew I had to get my thoughts down before they flew out of my head.

{an aside: even though Marc went out to scrape off the car and warm it up ahead of time, my van's sliding doors were frozen shut! We put the heat on full blast and then had to go back inside and wait for it to thaw. Then, I couldn't back the van out of the driveway! After about 10 minutes of trying, sliding, and spinning, we made it out -- with the slightly scary smell of burning rubber. We were 20 minutes late and arrived just before I had to accompany a boy's/men's chorus. What in the world?}

The ward mission leader gave a powerful talk. He spoke about how his 5th grade teacher had an unorthodox method of giving grades -- he would hold up each paper, then read the student's name & the grade -- unless they had a grade lower than a C, in which case he would say, "you missed the boat". The speaker explained that he had missed the boat on more than one occasion, and that hearing those words was painfully disappointing, because he knew he had not adequately prepared. Of course, he then went on to say that we don't want to find ourselves in the position of missing the boat due to inadequate preparation, whether it be for missionary service, or our mortal life in general.

A newly-called missionary spoke, the 4th in his family. He was just so earnest. It was obvious that he has a testimony and has been preparing for his mission for years.

He related an incident that touched me: he said he still remembered a lesson one of his Primary teachers had taught (a woman who is still in our ward). She taught them about missionary work, and asked them if they wanted to serve a mission. They each nodded. But she had them go around the room and say, "yes, I want to serve a mission." When he heard himself say those words, he knew that they were true, and he started preparing himself from that moment on. Isn't that incredible? I can only imagine what that dear woman felt when she learned that her lesson made such an impact on one of her students.

Another thing struck me: he told us he had been fortunate enough to accompany his parents to Mexico when they picked up another brother at the end of his mission. As they went to the humble homes of some of his brother's friends, he was struck both by how little they had, and by how much they were willing to share -- they never left a home empty-handed. This experience brought him a degree of humility he had never known before, and he said, "I have been so very, very blessed. I have been given so much. The best thing I can do is to improve myself and then go out and serve."

I love the idea of self-improvement as an expression of gratitude. I have several areas of my life in which I really do need to improve and/or change a great deal, but I have been feeling so stuck, as if no amount of knowledge that I need to change is sufficient to actually bring about said change. But this is a powerful idea to me -- one that may help me along in my quest, and may help me to find the determination I need.

I was also reminded of a comment Kristi made on my blog quite awhile ago. She said something like, "There is one who wants this for you even more than you want it for yourself, and He will help you." I'm realizing that, although I have prayed and even fasted for the strength I am seeking, I have not made it a matter of consistent, earnest prayer. I think I know what I need to do.

I am so grateful for the people all around me who inspire me to become a better person!

saved

I realized last night that I was saved many times this week. There were many times when, for one reason or another, I felt like I was at the end of my reserves. And each time, someone stepped in and saved me. And each time, that someone was a child.

I only wish I had photo-documentation for all of those times.

On Monday afternoon, Eva was extremely intractable. She kept calling for her dad, who was on a week-long business trip. She didn't want my consolation. I was tired, and I was really tired of listening to her cry. A sweet neighbor girl came over just then and asked if Eva could come and play at their house for an hour. I could have kissed her. Eva was distracted and I had a little break. When she came home, it was time to start bedtime preparations and I was able to handle motherhood again.

On Wednesday afternoon, I was exhausted. I had gotten very little sleep, because Eva was sick and up throughout the night. I hadn't been able to finish my preparations for hosting book club because she was so clingy and wanted only to be held. Max took her for a walk, and while they were gone, I vacuumed and took a shower. When they got home, she was happy and I was able to finish getting ready. That small act literally turned my day around.

Lucas has been home sick for the last few days with an ear infection. While on his Motrin highs, he embarked on a project of making crayons on the crayon-maker for all the kids in his class. He graciously allowed Eva to be his helper through many many batches, even giving her "promotions" from time to time, so she could participate even more.

On Thursday, I had a blinding headache all day, and nothing that I did or took was easing the pain. By the time evening rolled around, I just couldn't go on. Max and Lucas engaged Eva in a game of burying each other with pillows and blankets, while I laid down on the couch with a hot compress on my head. I was impressed by the way they all played together, each truly enjoying their game, and I was oh so grateful for the respite. (As soon as they were all in bed, I went to bed myself.)


And finally, yesterday afternoon, I was just in the doldrums. I felt like I hadn't been able to accomplish very much, and that the entire week had been a bit of a let-down. I fought the urge to take a nap and recruited Max to help me rake leaves and sweep off the sidewalks. Neither one of us was particularly excited about the task, but I wanted the boost that I get from getting things done. Just then, two sweet neighbor girls came over, armed with rakes. They jumped right in to help us, and made the job so fun that even Max ended up having a great time. They shortened our work time by half, and improved both our moods.

Now I am off to write several thank you notes. I can't help but wonder if any of these children realize the positive impact they had on me by their simple actions that were performed just when I really needed help. And I feel, more than ever, that I want to be the kind of person who is tuned in enough, and willing enough, to provide that kind of meaningful service to someone else.