wish BIG, revised

I first posted this list on March 14th in 2009. I am pretty disturbed by how many of these things I have not done yet and still need to work on. That was two years ago, people! It's upsetting. Ahem.

Okay, then. Well, I'm not going to let it get me down. I am going to press forward and continue working on my goals. Perhaps I need to implement a system of review, so I can check in on them more frequently...

I was really inspired by Hannah's list of 101 things she wants to do. I started working on my own and found it much harder than I anticipated! In fact, I could only come up with 50 items. (But I reserve the right to make additions to the list, if/when I think of new ideas.)

I'm posting this on my birthday as a personal reminder of the things I hope to accomplish in this new year of my life. I will add it to my sidebar and update it periodically. Here's to wishing BIG!

1. learn to knit
2. finish Bob's Blurb book (!)
3. finish bookshelves
4. implement the chore stick system
5. sort through the kids' clothes
6. get the black shelf hung in the entryway
7. purge/organize hall closets
8. brush up on my French (for real this time)
9. remove 20 pounds
10. start strength training again
11. increase duration and difficulty of cardio
12. publish year 1 of my blog
13. stay in a bed & breakfast
14. make family prayer a habit
15. get everyone involved in planning FHE (rotation)
16. paint touch-up in main living area
17. get garage completely cleaned up! (although it needs to be done again)
18. organize food storage and make a plan
19. read the manual for my new camera
20. use tag books more frequently
21. figure out solution for Max's schooling for Fall semester in Paris
22. learn more about couponing
23. print photos monthly
24. sew a dress for Eva (or maybe just more skirts)
25. (re-)learn to crochet
26. send out Christmas cards
27. get back to piano lessons with Lucas and be consistent
28. enroll Eva in swim lessons
29. read 5 books in one month
30. remove another 20 pounds
31. come up with a new blogger birthday gift (and now I need to do it again!)
32. pay off credit card debt with our tax refund
33. check into a pediatric immunologist
34. expand my bread-making repertoire
35. turn Eva's room into a big-girl room
36. purge and organize my studio
37. do better at remembering nieces' and nephews' birthdays
38. enroll Lucas in a sports camp
39. give Eva her first real birthday party
40. stretch
41. write and send more notes just because
42. re-commit to regular flossing
43. plant something with Eva so she doesn't lose her interest in gardening
44. take the boys on more dates
45. seriously look for meaningful service opportunities
46. be a better visiting teacher
47. be more mindful of taking opportunities to teach my children
48. strive to return to intuitive eating
49. keep looking for handmade gift ideas and keep good records of said ideas
50. pray always
51. teach Max to drive!
52. implement a little-bit-every-day cleaning routine, for real
53. paint my kitchen cabinets
54. make doing my knee exercises and wearing my braces a habit so I can keep them in good shape
55. think of a good 20th anniversary gift for Marc!

to be continued...

Sunday thoughts

Today my Sunday thoughts come not from anything that happened in our church meetings today, but rather from a book I read for book club entitled Kitchen Table Wisdom. I read it at the beginning of the month, but there is a passage that has really stayed with me -- in fact, I find I can't escape it.

It concerns love vs. approval (italics are mine):

The life in us is diminished by judgment far more frequently than by disease. Our own self-judgment or the judgment of other people can stifle our life force, its spontaneity and natural expression. Unfortunately, judgment is commonplace. It is as rare to find someone who loves us as we are as it is to find someone who loves themselves whole.

Judgment does not only take the form of criticism. Approval is also a form of judgment. When we approve of people, we sit in judgment of them as surely as when we criticize them. Positive judgment hurts less acutely than criticism, but it is judgment all the same and we are harmed by it in far more subtle ways. To seek approval is to have no resting place, no sanctuary. Like all judgment, approval encourages a constant striving. It makes us uncertain of who we are and of our true value. This is as true of the approval we give ourselves as it is of the approval we offer others. Approval can't be trusted. It can be withdrawn at any time no matter what our track record has been. It is as nourishing of real growth as cotton candy. Yet many of us spend our lives pursuing it.

A great deal of energy goes into this process of editing ourselves. We may have come to admire in ourselves what is admired, expect what is expected, and value what is valued by others. We have changed ourselves into someone that the people who matter to us can love. Sometimes we no longer know what is true for us, in which direction our own integrity lies.

When times are harsh, and what is needed to bloom cannot be found, certain plants become spores. These plants dampen down and wall off their life force in order to survive. When no one listens, children form spores. In an environment hostile to their uniqueness, when they are judged, criticized, and reshaped through approval into what is wanted rather than supported and allowed to develop naturally into who they are, children wall the unloved parts of themselves away. People may become spores young and stay that way throughout most of their lives. But a spore is a survival strategy, not a way of life. What you needed to do to survive may be very different from what you need to do to live. The saddest part is that we may have forgotten what it is like to be whole.

Reclaiming ourselves usually means coming to recognize and accept that we have in us both sides of everything. We are capable of fear and courage, generosity and selfishness, vulnerability and strength. These things do not cancel each other out but offer us a full range of power and response to life. Sometimes our vulnerability is our strength, our fear develops our courage.

This passage just struck me to the core. I had never considered approval to be a form of judgment before, but now I see that it can be. I am realizing that this affects me most particularly as a mother -- I surely do dispense or withhold my approval from my children depending on their behavior.

Somehow I must instill in them the knowledge that they are important, valuable people -- and that I love them -- no matter what behavior they choose. I am reminded of something my grandmother tells me frequently, that mothers are more concerned with behavior, and grandmothers more concerned with feelings. Mothers are necessarily more concerned with behavior, as it is our duty to teach and model good behavior. But I think I need to be a little more aware of and concerned about their feelings as well.

Today in sacrament meeting, our choir sang Dearest Children, God Is Near You. We have a small group of Primary-age girls who sing with our choir, and they were particularly angelic today. I am grateful that I know with absolute certainty that God's love is not dependent upon His approval of us, although our obedience to his precepts surely brings Him great happiness. I hope I will be able to love them as He does.

wish BIG

I was really inspired by Hannah's list of 101 things she wants to do. I started working on my own and found it much harder than I anticipated! In fact, I could only come up with 50 items. (But I reserve the right to make additions to the list, if/when I think of new ideas.)

I'm posting this on my birthday as a personal reminder of the things I hope to accomplish in this new year of my life. I will add it to my sidebar and update it periodically. Here's to wishing BIG!

1. learn to knit
2. finish Bob's Blurb book (!)
3. finish bookshelves
4. implement the chore stick system
5. sort through the kids' clothes
6. get the black shelf hung in the entryway
7. purge/organize hall closets
8. brush up on my French (for real this time)
9. remove 20 pounds
10. start strength training again
11. increase duration and difficulty of cardio
12. publish year 1 of my blog
13. stay in a bed & breakfast
14. make family prayer a habit
15. get everyone involved in planning FHE (rotation)
16. paint touch-up in main living area
17. get garage completely cleaned up!
18. organize food storage and make a plan
19. read the manual for my new camera
20. use tag books more frequently
21. figure out solution for Max's schooling for Fall semester in Paris
22. learn more about couponing
23. print photos monthly
24. sew a dress for Eva
25. (re-)learn to crochet
26. send out Christmas cards
27. get back to piano lessons with Lucas and be consistent
28. enroll Eva in swim lessons
29. read 5 books in one month
30. remove another 20 pounds
31. come up with a new blogger birthday gift
32. pay off credit card debt with our tax refund
33. check into a pediatric immunologist
34. expand my bread-making repertoire
35. turn Eva's room into a big-girl room
36. purge my scrapbooking supplies
37. do better at remembering nieces' and nephews' birthdays
38. enroll Lucas in a sports camp
39. give Eva her first real birthday party
40. stretch
41. write and send more notes just because
42. re-commit to regular flossing
43. plant something with Eva so she doesn't lose her interest in gardening
44. take the boys on more dates
45. seriously look for meaningful service opportunities
46. be a better visiting teacher
47. be more mindful of taking opportunities to teach my children
48. strive to return to intuitive eating
49. keep looking for handmade gift ideas and keep good records of said ideas
50. pray always

I love Mondays!!

Oh how I love the opportunity to start each week afresh! Even though I have been a stay-at-home mom for 8 1/2 years now, I am still struck by how much I now love Mondays. I love getting back to the normal routine, I love having the whole week in front of me, I love being able to start over on working on the things I want to accomplish.

Today was a particularly wonderful Monday because it was the first one in a very long time that was mine to use as I saw fit (read: no more sick kids!). I got up early to exercise, and Eva actually cooperated by not waking up as soon as I did. I even got to shower before she woke up! I got the boys off to school, went visiting teaching, went to the scrapbook store, and found a basket I needed at Michael's.

When Eva took a nap, I worked on my valentines and my project of the day:

my bedside table before, with books piled on, underneath, and around

my bedside table after, with books and magazines neatly corralled in my new, very functional and attractive basket! I couldn't be more pleased.

And now, for a little progress report:

I did fabulously well during the first three weeks of the year on my fitness and weight loss goals. I exercised at least 4 times each week, and lost a total of 6.5 pounds.

During the next three weeks, I tanked big time (but to be fair to myself, it was all due to the insane bout of sickness around here). I think I exercised twice during the entire time, and gained two pounds. I definitely tend to eat better when I'm also working out... But, I'm back on board now!

to sum up:

net weight lost in 2007 so far: 4.5 pounds
books read in 2007: 6
weeks until we go to Paris: 10 (yikes!)