Wednesday, March 31, 2010

terribly sad, but not tragic


My sweet grandmother, my hero, had a stroke (or something like it) on Monday. She is not expected to live beyond today.

I think I needed last week's sacrament meeting to get me through this difficult time. Grandma always said that there is no tragedy except in sin. So although it feels tragic to me to think about my life without her in it, to not be able to call and get her advice, her words of wisdom, a recipe, or just to laugh about how annoying our dogs are, I guess I'll have to listen to her on this account, as well.

It's funny that although my cousins and siblings and I have been trying to prepare ourselves for this inevitability for years, it didn't really work. I still feel an incredible emptiness, a hole that feels like it can never be filled.

I know that Grandma didn't want to grow too old and infirm, I know that she will be unbelievably happy, that she'll be freed from the restrictions of her aging body. So I'm happy for her, really. But it sure is hard to be the ones left behind.

29 comments:

rebekah said...

Michelle, I have to tell you that I love your grandmother. I have never met her, nor you for that matter, but each time you have spoken of her I have learned something that has positively impacted my life. Each and every time. Something about grace, faith, womanhood, perseverance, obedience, mothering, fellowship, and even the 'smaller' things in life like baking from scratch and taking the time to properly press clothing. She is clearly one of those blessed women who made the world around her a better, more beautiful, more nurturing, more Christlike place. Her influence will never pass on. It will live forever in the hearts of her posterity, and by extension, the hearts of everyone that you influence for good.

I know this is an incredibly difficult time for you and your family. "There is no tragedy except in sin." I think it's wonderful that as your grandmother is in such a delicate position, it is *her* words that are comforting you, a further testament to the strength and nobility of her character. At the time that your grandmother does pass on, I am certain that she will experience nothing short of the most triumphant and joyful return to a wonderfully perfect heaven.

"His lord said unto him, Well done, thou good and faithful servant...enter thou into the joy of thy lord."

kelly said...

thinking of you and your family

patsy said...

me too- thinking of you...

Becky Heard said...

Sorry to hear it. :-(

Neighbor Jane Payne said...

Oh Michelle. My thoughts are with you.

I, too, love your grandmother. I have loved her advice to you, her influence on you, the love she feels toward you . . . it all passed through the waves of the internet. She has influenced me through you.

I'm sorry your sad. I'm so glad you have her to love and remember.

Melinda said...

Michelle, I am so sorry for this. I have been in awe of your relationship with your grandmother. It is one I had always wanted with mine but sadly never did. I hope you do find happiness as your family reflects back on all of the goodness your grandmother gave to all of you. I wish you well with all of your travels and time with your family.

charlotte said...

I don't know what to say except that I know exactly how you feel. We're incredibly blessed to have her for a grandmother.

crystal said...

I'll be thinking of you and sending little prayers your way. This IS a difficult time, saying goodbye to a beloved Grandmother. (for a while) I'm sad for you.

I love what Neighbor Jane said. I have felt those waves over the internet, too! I loved hearing about your grandmother and the things she passed on to you.

xoxo & extra-big hugs this week.

Miranda said...

The title of this post is beautiful and says so much. I've been thinking about your whole family since I heard, and you know I feel like Charlotte is almost my grandma too. Travel safe and know that I'm thinking of you.

Price Cream Parlor said...

Sorry to hear about your loss. Your Grandma is so darling in this photo! I don't know how we can prepare for something like this - even with out knowledge, it seems sad to stay here without them.

Hugs, thoughts and prayers for you and your family...

Michelle said...

Oh Michelle, I just read your post today and burst into tears! And I've only met your grandmother a few times.

I know what an example and mentor she has been to you and I am so terribly sorry that you will be without her.

I'm happy for her that she has been able to live life to the fullest without long periods of illness or mental decline.

Rebekah expressed herself so well that it is hard to know what else to add other than I am always here for you - in anyway that you need. I will pray day and night for you and your family during this difficult time. And I will pray for "Charlotte the Great" that her transition to her Father in Heaven will be a peaceful, painless and joyous experience.

I love you - I'm so sorry.

Liz said...

Oh Michelle, I'm so sorry! It is so hard to lose a loved one. I have enjoyed reading about her on your blog, she seems to be a really genuine and wonderful person. She is such a cute grandma, too! I can only hope to be that cute, when I'm a grandmother.

Many, many hugs for you!

Elizabeth said...

Prayers of comfort following you to Denver!

linda said...

I am so very sorry!

I am a blogging friend of Jill's and Denise's and wondered why Denise's post today was about her mother.

All of you will be in my thoughts and prayers! Please keep us posted.

Jill said...

I am so sorry her time has come. She is such an amazing mother and grandmother, I feel blessed to have met her and spent time with her. She even wore my headlight!

I am so glad you have such a large circle of strong women to buoy you up as you go through this loss.

Esther said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

I understand where what you are saying and its very difficult to prepare for anything like this...

Amy said...

I love that line, that thought - there is no tragedy except in sin. That's a paradigm shifter for me.

Your grandma sounds like an amazing woman. Which so doesn't shock me...knowing you. I'm sure it will be a difficult time no matter how prepared you try to be. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Diana said...

Michelle I am sorry. I am praying that you and your family will receive comfort. I imagine how hard this must be with all close your family is.

Claudissima said...

OHHHH no! I truly feel emotion for you and for this. It will be a great void to fill, nevertheless what a wonderful fulfilling life she created and imparted...ohhh my!

jenn said...

sweet Michelle-
I am sure there will be much happiness mixed in with your sadness because I know how amazing your grandmother is and the wonderful memories you will all share of her. She is gracious and faithful, which is reason to rejoice over the amazing and darling woman that is your grandmother.

I am sorry that you are being left behind but I really believe it will be a blessing to spend this time with the other strong and amazing women in your family as you care for and remember your grandmother.

Be safe.
And know you are being prayed for, thought of and loved...

Becky said...

What a sweet tribute to your grandmother...thank you for sharing her wonderful quote, "there is no tragedy except in sin."

Sending hugs and prayers to Denver.

Tasha said...

Michelle, I just had the year anniversary of my gandpa's death. We were so not ready for him to go. It was such a surprise and the anniversary of the day we withdrew support (he had a cardiac event and then a stroke, or the other way around, no one knows) my grandma and I cried and cried, it was like a year later and I finally got my good cry in, I felt like I had to be so strong when he died. We talked about how much we missed him, how happy he must have been to escape infirmities, etc. YOu're in my thoughts and prayers. I love you.

Amanda said...

Michelle,

So, so sorry about your loss!

When we lost our brother in law last fall the sweetest words I heard were "it's not our knowledge of gospel that brings us peace, it's our faith in the one who is boundless and has trodden the wine press alone who can heal our hearts."

Your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. She sounds like a wonderful woman..she will do good things on the other side and you will have a sweet reunion one day!

Heather said...

Oh Michelle, please know that you and your family are in our thoughts and prayers.

Nikki said...

What a blessing.
What a blessing she has been in your life and those she has come in contact with- even vicariously through your blog.
What a blessing she is able to go so quickly.

You situation mirrors mine. My grandma Nellie was a woman of never ending energy, always doing for others, always positive and inspiring. She passed away 10 years ago. She was at church one Sunday, busy, running around, doing her calling. Tuesday she had a stroke, Thursday she was gone. So sad to loose her!! But ultimately what a blessing that she didn't have to live with a body that wouldn't allow her to serve the way she always had. That would have been so hard on her, and I belive that quick passing was a reward for her life long, selfless service.

Take care, be grateful, and enjoy spending time with your family remembering all of the good times.

(You should compile as much of her wise counsel as you can gather while you are with your family. What a treasure she has left you all with!!)

TX Girl said...

Man- I'm so sorry. Y'all are in my thoughts and prayers.

Kelly said...

Michelle, just thinking of you this evening and hoping you are well and feeling comforted. I like how Jill mentioned the strong circle of women you have to lean on each other during this time. You are all blessed to have each other. Peace to you, my friend!

amyfm said...

Michelle my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Death does feel very empty and honestly I don't know how one does it without the gospel. At least you have a firm foundation that you will one day be with her again. Of course, that doesn't always make the passing easier. I am so so sorry for your loss.

Robyn said...

Michelle, I've been thinking of you and your family this past week. I know that your grandma was a precious part of your life and such an amazing friend, example, and teacher. She seems like she really lived life to the fullest. You are so lucky that you were able to know her and spend time with her and absorb some of who she was. I hope that you continue to feel peace and comfort during this time.

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