Grandma's death – the (mostly) sad part

I was fortunate enough to be able to fly to Denver two days after Grandma's collapse. She had been moved to a wonderful hospice facility, and (most of) her children, Jessie, and myself were gathered around her.

She never regained consciousness after being taken to the hospital by ambulance. She did not look like herself at all, and it was hard to see her like that.

My aunt Linda had this photo enlarged and framed for Grandma's room, so that the hospice staff would not think she was "just some old lady in a bed" (Denise's words). This picture was taken 3 days before her stroke, on March 26th. Her last cake was a German chocolate for Denise's birthday. Such colossal height! We all agreed it was a good end to a very good run of cakes.

The staff had mistakenly spelled Grandma's name as "Charolette." Denise was quick to rectify the situation.

Grandpa was so tender to his beautiful wife of 66 years. It about broke my heart every time I saw him cry.

Lee's wife Linda is a natural caregiver. She just seems to always know what to do. She rubbed Grandma's feet with lotion, and cared for her (and us) in so many ways. I don't know anyone could have a better daughter-in-law.

She also assembled this basket of snacks for all of us camped out at the hospice. The Cadbury eggs seriously tempted my no-candy until Easter rule, but I'm proud to say I managed to resist.

My aunt Patti spent the whole day on Wednesday calling homeless shelters, trying to find my aunt Karen. No one knew how to get in touch with her, and I could not imagine the heartbreak of discovering that your mother died after the fact. Fortunately, Patti was successful, and Karen was able to meet us at the hospice on Thursday.

Amidst the sadness and grief, there were also moments of hilarity (largely thanks to my uncle Lee). It was a welcome reprieve.

At one point, the hospice chaplain came in to talk to us. After he left, Lee very matter-of-factly said, "Priestcraft." We all collapsed in a fit of giggles.

This sweet girl volunteers at the hospice every Wednesday, playing harp for the patients and their families. She came right in front of our door and played for about half an hour, and it was beautiful and soothing.

There was much hand-holding and caressing of Grandma's arms and head.

And Senor Burrito runs.

And tears, so many tears.

During most of Wednesday and Thursday, there wasn't much change in Grandma's condition. My mom, Jessie and I stayed overnight on Wednesday to keep watch. It was so hard to see her body struggling to stay alive, when we knew that she no longer had any brain function. We all prayed fervently that she would be able to pass quickly.

On Thursday evening, Mom and Denise took Grandpa home to feed the dog and take a short break. During their absence, Grandma's breathing changed dramatically, and we soon realized that the end was probably in sight. Lee called to tell them to come back quickly, and just then they all walked in the door.

She took her last breaths within minutes of their arrival. It was such a tender mercy that they returned in time, and that we were all able to gather around Grandma as her work on earth was finally finished.

We all looked on as Grandpa affirmed his love and murmured his sweet goodbyes. At long last, he said, "See you later..." and a few seconds later, "alligator." This brought us all back to laughter again.

I just keep feeling that it was an honor to be present for this tender occasion.

I am so grateful for this facility, and for the amazing people who work there. When someone you love so dearly requires care, you so appreciate gentle and tender caregivers. We had some lovely conversations with the nurses, and on the day of Grandma's passing, her main nurse was a friend of Denise's from high school! It was truly a peaceful, supportive place, where the staff cared for the family members as much as they did Grandma.

I cannot describe the relief that we felt when her struggle was over. My stomach had been in knots for days, and finally I felt like I could take a deep breath. The day of Grandma's passing (April 1st) was also Patti's birthday. We all went back to Denise's and enjoyed a dinner prepared by dear Miranda.

All of the children with sweet Grandpa: Lee, Patricia, Grandpa, Karen, Denise, and my mother Susan.

On Friday, we slept in. After two nights of only getting two hours of sleep, it was delicious.

Then we started the funeral preparations. I made rolls and cakes, while the others worked on flowers and casket selection. It felt good to be doing something productive.

Beautiful flowers and foods of all kinds were delivered by friends and neighbors.

My dad and my brother Ryan arrived. I love this picture of Ryan hugging Grandpa.

Charlotte and Emily arrived. Every time someone new came on the scene, it made me cry all over again. I love this picture of the girls supporting their mother.

On Saturday, Denise, Mom, Linda, Jessie and I had the opportunity to dress Grandma's body for burial. Linda offered a lovely prayer. Denise applied her makeup, just like she did every Sunday before church. It was a sweet time and wonderful to see Grandma looking like her beautiful self once again.

On Sunday we had a family viewing. (Grandma was adamant about not having a public viewing.) Many tears, once again.

But we did have a laugh over the spring-loaded hidden spy drawer in the casket, where loved ones can place secret objects and messages. (We didn't.)

More on the funeral to come.