highs and lows

I've been mentally reviewing 2010 a bit, now that it's come to an end.

First, some lows:

• Both of my grandmothers died, within a couple of months of each other. A devastating loss.
• I sprained my foot in July, and it hasn't healed properly. I still can't wear most of my shoes and it hurts frequently.
• Jill got a job. I know it seems as if maybe this shouldn't be on my list of lows, but it has impacted me negatively. (How's that for selfish?)
• My knees are about as bad as they've ever been. Chronic pain is hard to deal with.
• Depression has been threatening to overcome me for quite some time. I'm pushing through, but it just requires so much effort.

And now for the highs:

• I learned more about grief. As it turns out, I can survive the thing I thought I could not survive, with the help of the Savior. He and His atonement mean more to me now than ever before. Plus, it's kind of nice knowing that you have someone rooting for you on the other side.
• I learned more about accepting help. It's humbling to not be able to do things for myself, and when people step in to take up the slack, I just feel utterly rescued.
• I was able once again to attend Women's Conference with Jill and Kristi and be strengthened in so many ways.
• I went on some really great trips – Seattle with the family, North Carolina with my kids and parents and siblings, and Denver for Charlotte's wedding.
• I discovered a new, non-surgical treatment option for my knees. I have been waiting with great excitement for the new year to begin so that I can give it a try!

Right now, I'm feeling a little bit like I've been beaten up. I've taken some knocks, but I'm on my feet. I have a lot of work to do. But I have high hopes for 2011, and that's a good feeling.

looking back

The end of a year always makes me feel contemplative. The end of a decade is taking me on an even longer retrospective.

My memories of Y2K seem so fresh -- can that really have been 10 years ago? It was so strange to realize that my boys were too young to remember that (Lucas was an infant and Max was only 4!). I briefly explained what all the hullabaloo was like at the end of 1999, but they didn't get it. Max just said, "but why would anyone think that would be a problem?" I don't know, but they sure did. I never felt terribly worried about it, though.

Remember how weird it was when we first started writing dates that started with a zero? 00 -- I had the hardest time getting used to that. Do you write the wrong year for a week or two?


Anyway, here are some of the major events in our family during the last decade:

* It encompassed all but 4 1/2 months of Lucas's life.

* I joined the best book club!

* Creative Friday became an institution.

* Jessie got married.

* We got a dog. (And then I learned that I like other people's dogs more than ones that live in my house.)

* Lola died, a most painful occurrence for our whole family.

* I had a difficult last pregnancy, including being hospitalized for kidney stones.

{Photo by Jill}

* Eva was born and changed our family forever.

* Jessie had two more sweet girls.

* Marc's museum exhibit -- only 6 years in the making!

* I started blogging.

* I got my first digital camera.

* Marc got tenure at BYU.

* Jessie and Timm moved to North Carolina.

* We lived in Paris three times (2002, 2007, 2009).

* We had some great family vacations -- Charleston, the Oregon coast, California, St. George, Denver, Vail, London.

* Marc and I went to New Orleans and to San Francisco by ourselves.

* We got season passes to Seven Peaks for 5 years! (Shouldn't we get some kind of award?)

* Marc started attending the Sundance Film Festival.

* Lucas discovered he was a reader -- hallelujah!

* We got new carpet.

* We replaced many, many appliances.

* We had a mouse infestation.

* Marc got a new car to replace the old Civic he had had for 18 years... (we fondly referred to it as "the hot car" or "the cold car", depending on the season).

* I had two knee surgeries, Lucas had two sets of tubes put in his ears, Eva and Lucas had dental surgery.

* Max and Lucas were baptized.

* We had a major flood, which necessitated a week's hotel stay and basement remodeling.

* I went to Girls' Camp three times.

* Max was ordained to the Aaronic Priesthood.

* Max became a Scout, went fishing, and discovered that fish is his favorite food. His eating has become ever more adventurous since!

* Max started Junior High and started playing the cello.

* I learned some fundamental Photoshop skills and started creating email ads for my mom's store.

* I learned to knit.

* I became a bread baker.

* I read a lot of books.

* We were the recipients of countless acts of service.


I can't wait to see what the next decade brings!

Sunday thoughts

Today in sacrament meeting, a member of our bishopric was sharing his testimony, and he reminded us that we are all children of God -- eternal beings who are currently living a temporary mortal experience.

I know this, but the way he said it really struck me. He talked about living with an eternal perspective, and that this enables us to find happiness, even in the midst of trials and difficulties. I have found this to be true. I know it's possible to be happy, even when times are hard. I don't know that there will ever be a time in our lives when everything is perfectly in place, so I've learned to be happy now. Find joy in the journey, as President Monson says.

This bishopric member also said that he is grateful for the passage of time. I don't know that I've ever thought of it in quite that way before. He expressed gratitude for the life experiences time has brought him, as well as a little wisdom along the way.

While I do appreciate the things I've learned and experienced in my life thus far, I cannot unequivocally be grateful for the passage of time. Christmas vacation, for instance, sure did pass by quickly. I'm not ready for the kids to go back to school tomorrow, for the lessons and dentist appointments and everything else to start up again. I have loved this relaxing, at-home time.

Strangely enough, it hasn't felt like the new year yet to me, not until tonight. Now I feel it. So, in that vein...

Goodbye 2008:

Goodbye President Hinckley
Goodbye Fourth Ward
Goodbye to Marc being the financial clerk
Goodbye hopelessly unorganized studio
Goodbye Grammy Lou
Goodbye to our wonderful trip to San Francisco
Goodbye linoleum!
Goodbye lovely Oregon Coast
Goodbye diapers!
Goodbye to a quilt 4 years in the making
Goodbye Charleston
Goodbye mice! (thanks, Lelly)
Goodbye to bags and bags of donations and trash
Goodbye to some of our retirement fund
Goodbye perennially freezing basement
Goodbye ugly white railing with plastic sheeting
Goodbye holiday chaos

Welcome 2009.

I will try even harder to keep an eternal perspective this year, to find joy in the journey, to appreciate each day so that I will not mourn the passing of time.

New Year's Eve

My last day of 2008 was very enjoyable.

I took some photos, worked on my recipe blog, and made my new blog banner.

I got a gift for Lucas to take to a birthday party and dropped him off.

I returned something that I bought for a gift and ended up not needing.

I met Jill for a movie! You should know that I never go to matinées. Jill and I usually go to the movies together on her birthday and on my birthday, so this felt like a very special occasion. We saw The Curious Case of Benjamin Button and ate a lot of popcorn and peanut m&ms. (Neither of us had had breakfast or lunch, so Jill said it was a good thing she had brought along the meal-replacement candy!) The movie was very enjoyable, and just fascinating, but ended up being more sad than either one of us had bargained for.

It was a good thing that some employees came in to clean the theater, effectively kicking us out, or sobbing may have ensued. (teary-eyed self-portrait)

While I was gone, Marc put away almost all of the Christmas decorations! Double bonus!!


I made fondue, because it just seemed celebratory (we missed you, Timm & Jess). Cheese with parboiled potatoes, lightly steamed cauliflower, baby carrots, apple slices, and hunks of hearty bread.

Also chocolate, with bananas, apples, clementines, marshmallows, pretzels, and cubes of pound cake. It felt like a feast indeed.

Eva cracked us up by trying to remember what fondue was called, notably calling it "pond stew" on several occasions. She didn't actually eat any of the fondue, but she did enjoy stabbing the other things with her fondue fork and eating them that way. She also tried Meier's Cold Duck (I have decided once and for all that I cannot drink Martinelli's--I just do NOT like it, but Lucas was happy to consume what we received as gifts).

After Eva went to bed, Marc, Max, Lucas and I opened our new Ticket to Ride Europe and played an inaugural game (thumbs up). It's fun now that the boys are old enough to play games that we can enjoy as well. They went to bed after we rang in the new year and Lucas didn't get up this morning until almost 11:00!

In all, a thoroughly enjoyable New Year's Eve.

a new year

Now that January 3rd is coming to a close and my boys went back to school today, it's finally starting to feel like a new year to me.

The period from December 23rd -- January 1st was not an ideal one in the Olivier household. I dreamed of cozy warmth, staying home, making good food, napping, reading, putting together a big puzzle, lounging, playing games...

What really happened was losing our furnace and our power at the same time. We were cold, we couldn't cook, and eventually we couldn't even stay home.

After all that was fixed, Marc got sick and was bedridden for several days. I was faced with mountains of laundry and more mountains of post-Christmas messes. There was no sleeping in, no good food (because once I had the possibility of cooking, I was the only one who felt like eating it), and not a lot of lounging or reading going on due to my having to deal with a little girl who was sick herself, missing her dad, and not sleeping a whole lot.

So when our Christmas vacation officially ended today, I had mixed feelings. I was a little sad about everyone going back to school and work, because I felt like I didn't get the vacation I had wanted. But at the same time, I was kind of relieved because now I can shut the door on that disappointment and move on!

And, when all is said and done, we did have a good Christmas. The boys had a great attitude throughout. We spent a fun day in Salt Lake celebrating Marc's sister Michelle's birthday, we hung out at Jill's on Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve, and we did get to put together a puzzle -- at Heidi's house, when she gave us sanctuary on the 26th. I went out to breakfast with my book club friends for Jenn's birthday. We managed to play games as a family several times, and we did have one special treat:

Baked brie on New Year's Eve. I made it even though the boys wouldn't try it and Marc wasn't sure about being able to eat more than Lipton noodle soup yet. It was worth it.

{recipe from Martha Stewart}

one sheet of frozen puff pastry dough
one round of brie (I got it as Costco)
1/2 - 1 cup of chopped pecans
1/2 - 1 cup of brown sugar

Thaw puff pastry sheet. Roll it out to a larger, thinner rectangle. Cut out two circles that are bigger than your brie. Place the cheese on one circle of dough and pull up around the sides of the cheese. Top with as much brown sugar and pecans as you can manage to pile on. Cover the entire thing with the other circle of pastry, pinching the two circles of dough together. Use the scraps of dough, if desired, to decorate the top. (In the past I have done leaves. This time I used my new teeny tiny alphabet cookie cutters -- thanks, Mom! -- to spell out Happy New Year.)

Bake at 425 degrees for 15 minutes, then at 350 degrees for 20 minutes more. Allow to sit for 10 minutes before cutting. Serve with crusty bread and tart apples.

I'm entering the new year in slow motion -- I have many plans, goals and intentions for this year. I just haven't figured out what they all are yet, nor do I feel quite ready to jump in and begin.

I still have more pictures that I want to post from Christmas-time, once I can finally find our media reader and download them.

I still don't know exactly where I'm going now that it's 2008.

But when I looked out my window on January 1st and saw the sun rising over the mountains, I felt happy about new beginnings and possibilities.