Last weekend (when I was in Escalante), I found out that my mom was admitted to the hospital. She had internal bleeding and her blood volume was only half what it should normally be. She was also extremely anemic. She received 3 units of blood and an iron transfusion.
There was some concern that she might have cancer, but the doctors did some tests and ruled that out. Ultimately, they couldn't figure out what was wrong, but she was stronger and was released a few days later.
I was really worried about her and hated being so far away and feeling helpless. So I did the only thing I could do—I prayed.
Marc's mom put my mom's name on the temple prayer roll and Michelle fasted for her. I was very emotional that they would do these things for my mother.
Anyway. She was home and she went back to her crazy work schedule. And this Friday, she was re-admitted. She again received 3 units of blood and an iron transfusion. Because of all of the tests that require her to fast, she hasn't eaten much of anything in almost 2 weeks. The doctors still don't know where she is bleeding or what is causing the problem. She will be transferred to a university hospital on Tuesday for further testing.
Here's the thing: I do what I can to nourish my testimony. I tend to think I am doing pretty well in the faith department. And then I am faced with a trial, and I feel like I start to fall apart. I worry, I stress, I feel kind of sick to my stomach. What is that about? I absolutely know that things will be okay in the end. Always. But when I don't know what will happen, I struggle with that. I don't know if things will be okay in the short term. What happens to my faith? Am I a fair-weather believer? I really don't want to be, but sometimes I wonder.
I've been attending our stake adult Institute class whenever I can. I went on Thursday, and was so glad I did. We discussed Genesis 18-33, and this verse really stuck out to me:
For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the judgment; that the Lord may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him.
We talked about how wonderful it would be if the Lord could be as confident in each of us as he was in Abraham, if he could say:
For I know him [or her], that he [or she] will. . .
I want to work toward being the kind of person that the Lord can count on to do whatever he asks of me, whether it be a trial, a sacrifice, helping someone else, following the promptings of his Spirit.
Our teacher told us that obedience is the power of the prophets. I guess I know what I need to do!