Tuesday, September 07, 2010

some sort of complex

{the face of introspection}

I had an embarrassing moment of self-discovery about a month ago.

Marc and I went to see Inception. We really enjoyed it. It's the kind of movie that you want to see again, knowing what you know at the end, to see how different it is the second time around.

Anyway. The ending is somewhat of a cliffhanger in that you are left not really knowing how it all pans out. The audience audibly showed their frustration at the very end.

And what was my reaction? I was mentally applauding them, thinking, "Go, Oremites! You got it!"

What the?! Why would I think that my fellow movie-goers would be any less capable of understanding the movie than Marc and myself?

This event plunged me into a bout of introspection. Do I think I'm more intelligent than the average joe? Do I have a superiority complex?

This is terrible.

(Not that I came to a conclusive answer, but it's terrible even to have to contemplate.)

. . .
fast forward
. . .

I feel down. I am beating myself up. About everything. I feel incapable of doing all that is required of me. I must be letting everyone down. What am I doing now that will put my kids in therapy later? (This is not an uncommon train of thought.)

So do I have an inferiority complex?

Can you simultaneously feel superior and inferior? Or alternate betwixt the two? Because it feels like I have some sort of complex.


crystal said...

But you ARE smarter than the average Joe.

Jill said...

Hey, you got a comment from Crystal, I thought she was MIA!

What a funny dichotomy! I think we all have areas where we think we know more than others, but we also have areas that we feel we're weak in.

I think you have a self-destructive tendency to give in to thoughts of self-doubt, especially in the motherhood department. The only good that can come from those thoughts is a renewed desire to do better, but instead I fear you end up thinking you're not qualified for the job. This is so NOT true! You are the perfect mother for your children and have a patience and grace that I have never seen in anyone else. The Lord knew exactly what He was doing when he sent your kids to you!

Remember to consider the source of all your self-doubt and then immediately cast those thoughts aside!

Rin said...

I think definitely. I definitely have a superiority and inferiority complex all in one! It's just like any other dichotomy of life...right?

And easier said than done, but don't beat yourself up!!! :( You're one of the best people ever!!!

Rin said...

Oh, and I LOOOOOVED that movie!

Hannah said...

Doesn't everyone suffer from this- either out loud of in the quiet of their brain? I sure wish I was in the middle on more things, but there are just things I feel like I rock at and things I feel like the bottom of the barrel at. Such if life no? I think you are pretty freaking fantastic :)

jenn said...

I'm smiling.
I don't have an answer but I loved your thoughts Michelle.

Petey said...

I also think we tend to have both a superiority and an inferiority (sp??) complex.
Its just something we have to work on our whole lives; part of that whole enduring gig. But the Lord humbles and uplifts me on a frequent basis and I find that helps me balance between the two better.

Life with Kaishon said...

I can tell that you and Marc are WAY smarter than me : )
I loved his interview. What a fun family you have. And brilliant!

Housekeeping is not my most favorite thing either...

Amy said...

I was going to write the same thing as Crystal. You ARE smarter than the average Joe. Not to add to your complexes, but it's evident from my view into your world. And hyper-creative people have hyper-high's and hyper-low's. It's part of the package.

annalisa said...

I SOOO get what you're talking about. At the same time I feel so cocky and so inadequate. There never seems to be a good balance. It's funny when I read your reaction to other people's reaction, I smiled. I would have done the same thing. I loved that movie. And I love movies that don't spell things out for you.

April said...

The worst is when you start being introspective about your introspection...is this the spirit motivating me to be better, or is this the adversary, tearing me down? Ha!

Boy I wish I was at Creative Friday today...we could just moan at each other and know exactly what the other was thinking.

Ride out the ebb...things will right themselves soon.

Alisa said...

I love that photo of you! It is just beautiful.

My husband has seen the movie something like 6 times. Every time he likes it all the more. He sees something different than the previous viewings.

The complexity of life- ups and downs. Peaks and valleys. Hope that you have moved on to the peak.

Claudissima said...

wow....this is a great post michelle....i love the photo and all that comes with.
introspection |ˌintrəˈspek sh ən|
the examination or observation of one's own mental and emotional processes : quiet introspection can be extremely valuable.

I just think that those who don't practice it, never quite evolve as they should. So you are in good company.

Claudissima said...

I have yet to see this movie, but my mum did say that it would be nice to see a second time to reinforce what you missed...or wanted to miss or really did not miss.....blabling....

Rebekah said...

This reminds me of one of the best pieces of advice I have ever been given.

One night during college I was talking to my friend about all the ways that I thought people were judging me, or how they would judge me if they got to know me. She then told me that my thoughts were completely irrational, and that only someone who was judging other people that way would think that anyone would in turn judge them that way. I don't know if I explained that well, but it was a major 'aha' moment for me because, at the time, it was totally true.

Does that make sense? Your post just reminded me of this because it was a ying/yang situation for me as well. I'm so afraid of being judged, but I can be so judgmental at times. An interesting instance of, 'By their fruits ye shall know them.' More like, 'By their pride ye shall know their neuroses.

Charlotte said...

I've often suffered from feeling less than what I am, overwhelmed by what I should do and be. I realized, however, that feelings of discouragement and overwhelm-ment are tools of the adversary. Of course he would want me to feel like I'm not good enough. Of course he would want me to think I couldn't do it. Heavenly Father is all about encouragement and edification. When I locate the source of my self-doubt, it's easier for me to pull out of it.

I'm rooting for you :)

(And yes, sometimes I do feel like I'm smarter than other people. . . . The reality of that is debatable, however.)

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