Sunday thoughts on Monday

Two young women (one former, one current) dropped off cards that brought me to tears. Right when I was feeling that maybe I'm not so good at this whole thing, maybe my efforts make no difference, they proved me wrong.

It was exactly what I needed.

It confirmed to me, yet again, that a hand-written note can turn someone's day – week, even! – completely around.

It brought to me a new resolve, to act on those feelings, to write those words that someone may need to hear. Thank you, thank you, dear girls.

affirmations, part 2

Thank you so much for your thoughtful comments on my last post. I have really taken your advice to heart, and here's what I'm thinking right now:

• I will start with baby steps.
• I will avoid vocalizing my negative thoughts.
• I will pray consistently for guidance and strength to change.
• I will seek out affirmations that are believable to me, to start.
• I will be more forgiving and nurturing toward myself.

I am also planning on digging out my old art journal and working out some self-exploration there. Jessie has inspired me with hers, and I think that will be the perfect place to chart my goals and progress, as well as to record the inspirations to change I find elsewhere (like on your blogs!). That way, I can flip through it often and be reminded of all of these things that I feel passionately about but so often tend to quickly forget (what a conundrum).

I'm feeling positive, and that is such a good thing.

affirmations

I've been thinking so much about affirmations and positive self-talk lately. I knew I had to post about it. When I went to type the word "affirmations" in my title, it popped up as if I'd used it before. Imagine my surprise when I found this post that I did on April 1st, just over three months ago! I went back and read through it, and sure enough, that's exactly what's been on my mind! Apparently all those same thoughts have just been swirling around in my head without any resolution, not to mention any manifestation of change in my life.

It all came to a head when I was visiting with Crystalyn, Jordan, Liz, Amy M. and Jill recently. Crystalyn spoke very compellingly about the power of positive thinking and how changing our thoughts can change our lives. I want to change my life! I really do want to change many things about me and about my life. But here's the problem: I don't know how to change my thoughts. Really. If I tell myself that I am fit and strong or that I am a good housekeeper, my mind recoils with mocking laughter at such a ridiculous thought.

I think that I could work on not voicing my negative self-talk aloud. That would at least be a step in the right direction. But not thinking negative things about myself at all? Now that, I honestly can't even fathom.

So here is my plea: if you have any advice on this subject, hit me with it. I really don't want to be struggling with this same problem 3 months from now, let alone 3 years from now! Help. (Please.)

affirmations

I've been thinking about changing the way I think and talk to myself for some time.

Way back when I was in cognitive therapy for depression (about 13 years ago), my therapist challenged me to stop and evaluate my negative thoughts and find a place to frame them in a more positive light. Let's just say I'm still working on that one.

My focus word for the year is "free". As part of that focus, I want to free myself from my negative thoughts, which are primarily directed towards myself.

Crystalyn sent me the book As A Man Thinketh. It's a slim little gem of a volume, and I meant to post about it as soon as I finished it, but instead I've just been ruminating on it. Here a just a few of the lines that stood out to me:

Man holds the the key to every situation, and contains within himself that transforming and regenerative agency by which he may make himself what he wills.

The body is the servant of the mind. It obeys the operations of the mind, whether they be deliberately chosen or automatically expressed.

Change of diet will not help a man who will not change his thoughts. When a man makes his thoughts pure, he no longer desires impure food.

Thought is the font of action, life, and manifestation; make the fountain pure, and all will be pure.

Thought allied fearlessly to purpose becomes creative force: he who knows this is ready to become something higher and stronger than a mere bundle of wavering thoughts and fluctuating sensations; he who does this has become the conscious and intelligent wielder of his mental powers.

Then came Jill's challenge to stop the negative self-talk. I accepted the challenge, but it's been just that -- a challenge.

Then Elder Holland's talk in Conference yesterday.

For those of you that haven't heard it, he used James 3 as his text. (It refers to the tongue as being a small part of our body that nonetheless wields great power.)

I was particularly interested in his comments on the way we talk to ourselves -- and I'll have to defer to you note-takers out there for more detail.

So. It seems clear that I need to change my thoughts. My question now is, HOW?

I signed up for an online 10-week weight loss challenge, where I received an email every day with workout and diet tips, encouragement, and a daily affirmation. I think affirmations are a good idea, a way to re-train the brain, if you will. The problem is, my mind rebels against them. Telling myself I am lean, fit and strong just sounds preposterous! I immediately start thinking of all the reasons that statement is untrue.

Obviously, it's going to take a lot of effort to undo years of negative self-talk. It's become quite an ingrained habit. But could it really work to tell myself these affirmations, even if they seem ridiculous at first? Anyone got any suggestions?