I made a huge parenting mistake.
Lucas was supposed to go to the dentist during school yesterday, so he didn't take a lunch. Then the dentist called and canceled, so I had to run his lunch over to him. Eva really didn't want to go with me.
I decided it would be okay for her to stay home while I dashed over to the school (a less than 10-minute round trip).
I instructed her not to open the door while I was gone.
When I returned home about five minutes later, she greeted me with, "I had to open the door, Mom!" What?!
Apparently, a neighbor knocked on the door and Jack was barking like crazy. She couldn't stand it, so she had to open the door. (Did I mention that the neighbor was a strapping young Polynesian man? Yeah.)
me: "Honey, I told you not to open the door!"
Eva: unusual silence.
I knew then that she was going to freak. out.
I scooped her up in my arms and she dissolved into a sobbing mess. She was terrified that I was going to be "so angry." (FYI: my kids have never even seen me so angry. Is that why the thought is so terrifying?) I assured her that I was not. Fearful, that's more like it, not that I would tell her that.
She sobbed for a good 20 minutes. She didn't want me to be angry. She wanted to turn back time and have that never happen. She didn't want anyone else to know what happened (oops). She would never be able to forget.
Good grief.
Sure enough, she woke up with a nightmare last night.
I assured her repeatedly that it was not her fault, and that I should never have left her alone. Sigh. I'm a terrible parent.
I won't be making that mistake again, no sirree.
26 comments:
Is she afraid of Polynesians?
It seems like every parent has at least one, 'I thought they'd be ok alone, I would only be gone 5 minutes!' story. And of course, in those 5 minutes, all hell breaks loose. You just can't win.
Well that's what being a good parent is all about though-- just admit your mistakes and move on. You're human!
I have never left Luci alone for even a minute and she's 9 so it probably won't be pretty when I have to one day.
Oh- been there.
sorry it turned out to be such a painful experience...
who knew??
Rebekah -- yeah, I think she's afraid of any large man, especially one who is a stranger to her.
You're definitely still a stellar parent and don't have start over again! Just remember Anne Shirley: "Tomorrow is fresh with no mistakes in it."
Oh dear, this is crazy. I'm shocked that she would stay home alone at all even for such a short time!
The horror of starting over as a mother is too much to take, don't dwell, just stay calm and move forward.
I often wonder if I could really parent differently if I had it to do over again- I'll never know because that's not how it works.
I guess I am a really bad parent. I leave my kids home alone pretty often. I don't know how Natasha has been able to go NINE YEARS without ever leaving her daughter alone. It is not worth the trouble to load a screaming five year old for a five minute drive to the school. And it could be worse- she could have called 911 and a very large policeman could have shown up at your door questioning your ability to be a mother. We live and learn.
I don't think you are a bad parent Michelle. You and Eva will survive this one!
Isn't leaving a child of 4 alone, unprotected & unsupervised illegal in Utah?
I am shocked that no one is as appalled as I am.
Your first sentence said it all. A huge error in judgement and I hope that is not behavior other people condone or repeat.
I just would not have expected you to do this.
I have read this blog for a long time. A very long time. I have never left a comment. So I am a stalker :)
However, I had to comment on the Anon comment. SERIOUSLY?
SERIOUSLY?
Did you just leave a comment to make her feel bad. I think she already stated that she felt bad.
I agree. Michelle we can tell you feel bad and know you didn't make the right choice. And I am glad you have friends not condoning but encouraging you with comments while you are feeling bad.
And anon you know she can check her site meter and see who left your comment right? Please be nice even when people don't know it's you. We need to support each other as women. Tearing eachother down never does any good.
There is no attacking, abuse or name-calling in my comment. Like I said, I am shocked & bewildered that it would enter anyone's head to leave a small child home alone.
That no one else was troubled by this behavior frankly amazes me. This is not about being supportive, it is about making a clear statement that this is ILLEGAL. Chilren can be removed from the home for reasons like that.
I am speaking out for a child. That she had nightmares from this is truly heart wrenching.
It actually is not illegal in Utah. There is no minimum age for a child to be left at home alone.
Michelle, you are not the only mother who has done this. In no way are you a bad mother for doing so either.
I am not a UT resident. That a preschooler can be left alone is so bewildering backwards is jaw-dropping. I guess that is where common sense should step in. In my state, that is illegal (as it should be).
I hope people are not reading this post and being open to copying this behavior. I just feel impressed to clarify: this is NOT acceptable for moms to do. (under any circumstance...even if the baby is sleeping.) You line up a babysitter or ask a neighbor to step over to the house for a bit.
AND, I never put a label out there like "bad mom." This is not about labelling bad or good mothering...this is about clearly acknowleding that this is inappropriate to the extreme. We all have good and not so good days.
The statement that "you are not the only mom that has done this" is disturbing...what a way to white wash a bad choice. So what now? It's OK? Heck, let's just retreat back to child labor & beating children...you know, because under your logic, other people are doing it too, so it must be all right.
Anon, I agree that children should never be left alone. I saw that Michelle had already come to know this also after a lapse in judgement and needed some words of encouragement.
Although it is not illegal in Utah to leave Children unattended it can still be grounds for removal of a child. And all the unknowns that could happen are just not worth it.
Michelle you are a good mom in spite of this mistake. Forgive yourself and move on!
People who have strong convictions and make a stand for them rock- people that throw stones from behind a corner are cowards.
I appreciate this post. I would be lying if I said I haven't left Kaylee sleeping and Mya home watching a movie while I run to get something from the gas station. This was an eye opener- cause even though I am 50 feet away...and she knows not to open the door- things happen.
So beat yourself up a little (this post does more than that) then move on- you learned a lesson. She probably learned a lesson. All kids are different and handly things differently. I remember being left home with my siblings when I was 6 or 7...its teaching independence.
Okay, 'ANON', (said in my most smug deprecating way possible-)If you are going to publish multiple rude (and cowardly)comments under the guise of anonymity, then you can expect a firestorm of comments aimed back at you.
Michelle is one of the finest mothers I have ever witnessed or known. Much of my own mothering philosophies are modeled after her own. She already said she made a mistake- she realizes the error, so your unrelenting criticism of her does nothing but cast self-doubt upon her capacities as a mother. (Which is obviously your aim-)You don't have to use words or labels like 'bad mother'- they are more than adequately implied.
When one of your children makes a mistake, do you berate them constantly until they break down, even after admitting guilt and remorse? Maybe your own parenting could come into question if you treat your children, or anyone, in the unforgiving critical and self-righteous way you have displayed here.
And not to minimize Eva's reaction, but she has nightmares about the sounds of CARS driving by, so a nightmare was hardly unexpected. If you judged the success or failure of parenthood based on her nightmares, you'd be in for some trouble.
And YES, I am her sister- so while that makes me biased it also means I have amassed some of the most evidence to support her case- Which is evidently what she needs when you effectively put her on trial the way you have.
And because I can't, or won't say what I would like to say- I say to you, 'Good Day Sir!'
Shell, don't censor. Most of us can understand human folly, and perhaps laugh or learn from it. Most of us.
And for the record I agree that you should not leave a child alone. I also happen to espouse empathy, forgiveness and the ability to put myself in someone's shoes or butt out. No one needs to protect Eva from her mother.
Wow, this is crazy... I know that you have enough self esteem to overcome this insensitive person, but just so you know - I think you are a Supermom! I am constantly amazed at all that you do and handle and wish I could possibly measure up to you. We ALL make decisions that we wish in hindsight we hadn't, even bionic women like you! I say let the comments be shown - it is clear that support of you is winning this battle! Love you dearly, Ashley
Eva is your child and you are free to choose how to raise her and how to parent her. I actually think you're really brave to share it here, in an open forum.
Not to make excuses... but when you get to talking with other moms, it is surprising how often this goes on. I know tons of mothers who leave their younger ones for a few minutes now and then. You are not alone by any means. I have just recently started to let Austin be home with the girls when it is less than 30 minutes- like a trip to the school or neighbor's house.
HOLD UP. It is absurd to equate leaving your kid unattended to "retreating back to child labor" and "beating a child." Really? Oh and white washing the bad decision would be more along the lines of encouraging her to do it again to give her daughter a "do over" to see if she follows what Michelle said next time.
Thank you for including any name calling. Really, that was awfully big of you. Oh to be perfect. Life would be so much easier.
I'll tell you who is disturbed... me
Make sure that anon people can't post. And, I believe she might just be from Utah as she used the word "heck" - seriously.
It is mean spirited when one will comment and NOT leave their name. COWARD.
Michelle - we all do things that we regret. You are a great Mom - and, I am sure, will never do this again.
...don't censor - just block people you don't know or block annon people.
I believe that each child progresses at their own rate, as a parent it can sometimes be difficult to determine exactly where a particular child is - which requires a certain amount of trial and error. I'm sorry this was so painful for you and Eva.
Why is everyone so hell-bent (is that better?) to think this is about Michelle and her "mothering" ability? I am sure we are all loving supportive mothers...why else would we have an interest in this blog?
I have in none of my comments (jt) been "rude" nor have I taken personal attack or aim against Michelle personally as you have done to me. Michelle is the one putting this on the internet for the whole world to read. If you write (dish it), you clearly will have to take it. "jt", you do not know me, and clearly do not interpret my comments correctly. Go back and re-read with a level, calm head. Being "anon" has nothing to do with it. I do not feel the need to defend the caliber of person I am or explain what an amazing wife & mother I am. I am confident in that.
I merely began this by wanting to draw attention to this unfortunate & unwise choice of mothers to leave their children unattended. I am sure you would be furious if you found out your preschool did this, so why is it OK for moms? And, the blog read more like the child was upset more by Michelle's lecturing of her than by being left alone.
And no, I am not a Utah resident as one person doubted. I have never met any of you. I do not have any personal grudges or resentment. I am however intrigued by this blog and enjoy reading the adventures.
In fact, my first post acknowleded that I was surprised Michelle even did this...thus insinuating I must have had higher expectations & respect for her.
I think the real problem is you all know her and are rushing to defense instead of viewing this rationally as I do.
P.S. Price Cream, I said heck not hell because I did not want to offend Mormons that read. I am not one myself, but I am aware you are, as a people, more conservative in language.
P.P.S. Hopefully, this has not caused you to run to the arms of M&Ms.
HAS it caused you to run to the arms of m&ms? (The first time I laughed since reading all of this...)
I'm proud to say that I have NOT consumed any m&ms (or any other candy) and I'm on day 13!
Way to get JT out of the closet!
Tee hee. Such pathos, as Grandpa would say.
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