ice and treachery

{I seem to have an icicle fixation this winter.}

It was not the best of days. When I left the house this morning to take Lucas to go play at Jill's, I carefully held Eva's hand to make sure she didn't slip on our permanently icy steps. Instead, I fell on the ice and hurt my left knee pretty badly. I cried out in pain, which caused Eva to have an instant meltdown because she was so upset (are anyone else's kids like this? Because all of mine are). So in the midst of my pain, I sat down on the ice and held her and reassured her until I was wet and freezing as well. Not a great way to start out.

The rest of the day continued thus, with a whole string of annoyances, irritations, and tantrums. Nothing major, just enough small things to stretch my patience very thin.

Tonight we had to attend the stake youth cultural night, because Max was a participant. Not a big participant, just singing in a big group number. He has hated all of the rehearsals, he didn't really want to go to the performance, and neither did I, but I felt like it was something we needed to do just to be supportive. (I'm glad we had that goal in mind, because other than that it felt like a waste of time.)

And if I heard "I want my daddy!" once today, I heard it 50 times. It's the first thing Eva tells me when I get her up in the morning, and the last thing she tells me when I put her to bed at night. Thank heavens today is the last day of the Sundance Film Festival!

A little while ago, I heard a car spinning its wheels outside my house. I opened the shutters to see if it was teenagers out joyriding (that shows you what an old stick in the mud I am) and was surprised to see my neighbors' Suburban, completely stuck in the ice. They were out there pushing it, gunning the engine and getting nowhere. I am not exaggerating when I say that it lasted for about 20 minutes, and while of course I realize that they were not engaging in this fruitless exercise to annoy others, I felt like I wanted to throttle someone! I hate it when I have surges of anger that seem to come out of nowhere. I blame it on hormones.

After all of the kids were finally in bed, I noticed that my knee was really hurting, and my spirit wasn't faring too well either. I made a batch of muffins, took a long hot shower, and now I'm contemplating icing my knee. I say contemplating because those ice packs are really cold, and while I welcomed that throughout the spring, summer and fall, it's not seeming like such a treat in the dead of winter.

And that got me to thinking about how it's been less than a year since I had my first knee surgery. That even though I went through months of my nightly icing ritual, I haven't yet had to do it in the wintertime. Yet another example of the ways in which the passage of time confounds my mind. It seems like so long ago, can it really have only been about 9 months? But I can hardly remember the time before I had knee problems! How can that seem like ages ago, but the month of January zoomed by in the blink of an eye? It seems I'll never be able to sort it all out.

I'm just thankful that for now, for this brief moment, I am not responsible for anyone but myself. So I will nurse my knee and my troubled mind, maybe watch a movie or read in bed, and be so grateful to start anew tomorrow.
p.s. in addition to my cup of tea and hot muffin, this also lifted my post-shower spirits! I just bought it yesterday, and it smells so good. I have also used the vanilla chai scent and loved it.