I've been thinking so much about affirmations and positive self-talk lately. I knew I had to post about it. When I went to type the word "affirmations" in my title, it popped up as if I'd used it before. Imagine my surprise when I found this post that I did on April 1st, just over three months ago! I went back and read through it, and sure enough, that's exactly what's been on my mind! Apparently all those same thoughts have just been swirling around in my head without any resolution, not to mention any manifestation of change in my life.
It all came to a head when I was visiting with Crystalyn, Jordan, Liz, Amy M. and Jill recently. Crystalyn spoke very compellingly about the power of positive thinking and how changing our thoughts can change our lives. I want to change my life! I really do want to change many things about me and about my life. But here's the problem: I don't know how to change my thoughts. Really. If I tell myself that I am fit and strong or that I am a good housekeeper, my mind recoils with mocking laughter at such a ridiculous thought.
I think that I could work on not voicing my negative self-talk aloud. That would at least be a step in the right direction. But not thinking negative things about myself at all? Now that, I honestly can't even fathom.
So here is my plea: if you have any advice on this subject, hit me with it. I really don't want to be struggling with this same problem 3 months from now, let alone 3 years from now! Help. (Please.)
20 comments:
A counselor of mine once told me to focus on what is happening around me- to really take notice of my surroundings- rather than listen to the ongoing drama in my head. Life does not always need a narration, and once the overthinking stops, it might be easier to switch gears to positive thinking. This is such a long discussion, though- isn't it?!
yeah.
like i know.
BUT- several months ago I did make the pact with myself that I would banish all negative body-talk in front of Bella. Not moving mountains, but a beginning. I'm determined that I won't teach Bella her insecurities. I've actually done really well. I don't vocalize those feelings and I hardly ever use the word 'fat' anymore. I still look the same, damnit, but baby steps. It's helped. It's definately in Bella's best interest anyway.
Maybe it is all baby steps. Start with one thing- not voicing the negative self-talk, and work on that. Don't think about the rest, just wake up everyday and commit to not let negative words out. Then once you have mastered that, move onto another area.
If you slip up, notice it and realize you are a work in progress and move on. It's kinda like eating right. Just because you ate a cookie doesn't mean all those cookies you turned down before don't count, and it doesn't mean that you should just throw yourself over the edge and eat the whole batch. We all sneak a cookie now and then- it's what we do after that cookie that makes the difference.
i thought it DID mean you throw yourself over the edge and eat the whole batch.
hmm...
I have no real advice, but I know I need to work on this myself, so I will be watching this post! Good luck!
i have been working on this for two years now. and i mean working on it! i have a phrase that i use as a sort of mantra.
*i am not perfect, but i am excellent!*
last year, when we were buying our first house, and going through all of the angst that comes with that, i actually printed out the MLS listing of the house, wrote this phrase right across the top of the page, and plastered it on the fridge. for me, visual clues are a BIG HELP!
i am not perfect, but i am excellent!
Michelle, it was so good to see you. I was "compelled" by the conversation that night, too. Making things happen by "thinking" them into being.
I wrote down those two books. I am in awe of yours and Jill's friendship. I didn't know you were in Nantucket--we must talk about that place sometime. Happy to catch up with you!!
I found your beautiful, honest, and thought provoking blog through Jill's. I have enjoyed Paris through your eyes and your talent with photography and words. Thank you!
I don't have sage advice about negative thoughts because it's such a struggle and one I have to recommit to almost daily. I agree with these other ladies, thinking them is one thing, but giving them a voice gives them power. Maybe start there by not giving them a voice. Small steps and daily (even several times daily) mental readjustments.
I wish you success and appreciate you sharing.
I wish I could help you out. It is a battle I have been dealing with too.I love what Lelly had to say. I might take that phrase from her! I think it is like everything else. Baby steps. I know that what negative body-talk I say does affect my children, especially Lindsey and Natalie. So, I have been really working on not vocalizing it. I don't want them to have those same issues. Okay, I am rambling on and really didn't answer your question. Hope it helps to hear that others are dealing with the same issues that you are.
I work on this all the time, but believe in the power of positive self-talk so much that I don't argue with myself when I say things like "I'm fit, I'm strong, I'm determined" because I'm trying to convince myself of those things. Of course, that means I have to act fit, strong and determined but it's much easier to do after telling myself those things.
So my advice is to tell yourself you're a good housekeeper while you're cleaning, etc. Also, think of how you tell your kids things like "you're great at math," or "you're so thoughtful," it's upsetting when they don't believe you or discount what you say isn't it? So maybe the next time your inner self tries to reject your kind words you can remember this and try to nurture yourself the way you do your kids.
I am with you Michelle...always trying to work on this. I am also trying not to make faces or brush away others compliments, but take them and keep them.
michelle,
i could type about this all night. before i went to bed tonight i said just pick one blog, one post to read and then go to bed.
i picked this one.
in january i read a article in the ensign that changed my life! seriously. it was about miracles, in fact i think i had commented on your blog about it before.
i thought to myself, if i believe that miracles happened on this earth thousands of years ago and i believe in the restoration then how could i believe they could not happen again. the first few months in the year i needed a miracle. i had no idea how i was going to make changes in my life, i just knew i needed to. so i spent seriously three months praying for the will to change, thats it! not to see the change, just the desire to.
the past few months i have seen myself do things and think things about myself i never thought i could.
one of the big reasons why is because of YOU! you challenged us all to pick a word of the year. and i did. that word has been in my head everyday. "stretch" i wanted to really stretch myself this year and do things or miracles that i never thought i could.
so my simple advice is just to start praying for the the desire to do... fill in the blank. it will come, it has to, our Heavenly Father has promised you that, even if right now it seems like a miracle.
You have the most awesome friends! But Kristi Brooke's words were sent by the Spirit. Pay attention, this is fine counsel. I love her thoughts and encouragment and testimony. Thankyou! And you are awesome too, in soooooo many ways, I can't count them all. I am always wishing to be more like you.
I'll keep trying.
oh my goodness michelle...i just melt away with the words your mother tells you...how bless you are to have such a wonderful woman. i was going to start this comment with DAMN i really don't know if it is a bad word or not, but why must we all girls...have to struggle with this...i think we should think more like men sometimes, they actually don't think they DO so that is the key...just start doing what it is you want to achieve. i think the key is action/verb/ing'ing something....i loved kristi's comments too and still trying to figure out my word for the year, by now it is a total joke i guess, but at least i am trying to come up with one or decide amongst 3...negative talk...is there any use for it, other than make us miserable.....it shant succeed, we must embrace and doooo dooo dooo that, that is soo difficult to do....just start doooing something, at least you have all ready planted to seed if anything to relinquish its territory over negativity, that in itself is a victory
Michelle, I admire you so much it's hard for me to imagine you having such difficulties. While you're trying to talk yourself into believing certain things about yourself, don't forget your strong points. You're a great friend, you have a beautiful home, and intelligent and interesting children--traits that you have helpeld nurture in each of them.
I'm interested to read what everyone says about this too. I found Crystalyn's thoughts on this very interesting, and wonder about how I could change these things in myself too. I guess I could start by reading that book!!
This is a very thought provoking topic and I would imagine, most of us can relate to. I have enjoyed reading the comments and felt a bit weepy reading it from your Mom! How awesome that she reads your blog and comments! So much said rings true. The power of thought is amazing. Add the power of the spirit and we have something that will transform our life!
I know what you mean. I do believe in the power of self thought. Try praising yourself more for the things you are really good at. Like I am such a good cook for my family. I am sure there are many things like this. Make sure you tell yourself what a good mother you are. Because you are. Society already doesn't appreciate us enough so we need to make sure we do it ourselves. I think the most powerful thing is we will not be measured on how clean our floors are or how organized our closets.
michelle, i can't believe i'm just now getting to this! i must say that even though i believe this wholeheartedly i still struggle with it. it's so easy to fall back into the way we've always thought! it's our default and it's just plain easier.
i've found that if i spend time praying about, thinking about, "visualizing", "dreaming about" how i want something to be things start happening that start to change whatever it is that i'm focusing on. what you want is good. Heavenly Father blesses us with good things. Our part is to seek after them. to ask for them and to believe He will answer our prayers.
take the housekeeper desire for instance (i have this same one)...i pray about it. when i get up in the morning i try to think about how my house would look if i were the housekeeper i want to be. in a way it's "pondering" on something. then think about how you would FEEL if your house were that way. then, be grateful for what is going on in your house that is good. and what you're doing in your house that is getting it there. when you feel like you want to say to yourself that you're such a horrible housekeeper, envision your house the way you want it again instead.
of course you will have bad days and feel like you really should be laughing at this desire you have (i've actually had one of those weeks) but you go back and keep on praying, pondering, seeing it in your mind and believing it can happen.
things will change...they will change in you or you will stumble upon something that will help you accomplish what you're wanting to do. a lot of things will start to happen until your desire will be realized.
your feelings are your guide through it. if you're feeling down, disappointed, helpless then you know you're not on the right track. you want to go back and get that picture in your head again and go forward again. when you find you're feeling grateful, hopeful, happy then you know you're on track. i believe that's the Spirit helping you move towards what you want. the adversary certainly seems to want to distract us from being the wonderful and incredible people that we are. what better way then to help us wallow in negative feelings and thought. they can be paralyzing.
i guess your thoughts and the process are so empowering because they help us to "do" things we probably wouldn't do when spending time thinking negative things about ourselves. we're open to inspiration and guidance. when we respond to that inspiration and guidance and are grateful for it we can't keep it from us. it just keeps happening. then little by little, we create what we desire with help from above.
hopefully this makes a little sense...i feel i'm rambling. i'm in this same boat my friend. i believe that in three months you will be able to write a post about it working!
We are in the same boat my friend. You know I do believe in positive thinking and how it can truly change your life, I've just never been good at it. Ever since that night I have been trying really hard to work at it and you know what it is working. I feel better about life.
I don't feel I can dispense advice but maybe we can support each other as we begin to change.
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