This challenge was an interesting one. At first I wasn't sure what to do, then I ended up with two ideas and had to choose!
I've been told I'm a good mother (OK, mostly by my own mother, so maybe I should question the source). I want so badly to be a good mother, but I don't think I'm there yet. I am constantly evaluating my job performance.
I frequently wonder how my children view me. (This is why I decided to take pictures of myself in the mirrors that hang in their bedrooms.) Do they see me at all the way I see myself? Do they see a fat mom? a calm mom? a frustrated mom? a mom who is trying her best to do right by them? How will they remember me? What am I doing right now that may necessitate their seeking therapy in the future? :)
Lucas told me not too long ago about a conversation he had with Max in their room one night. Max was upset and Lucas asked him why. Max said that even though his dad and I had assured him that we weren't mad at him, he knew we really were anyway. WHAT?! This is highly disturbing to me. It seems to mean that no matter what we do or say, no matter how we really feel or how much we reassure our children, their perception might be completely skewed, and it is their perception that they will believe to be reality.
Ah, motherhood. So many questions, so few answers.
22 comments:
Love that you took your cute photo in the mirrors in your children's bedrooms. Loved the thoughts behind the photos. I often say that I am stashing funds away for therapy sessions that my littles might need when they are older. Being a Mom is a tough job. I think that it is good that we continue to question ourselves - that makes us want to improve each day. It is interesting to hear what their take on reality is. Oftentimes that helps me zone in on what I need to be doing better for for that particular little person. From everything that I read on your site - you seem like an amazing mother! A creative and fun mother! - and a Mother that even has great hair! - what a bonus!
Cool photo ideas and photos Michelle!
You ARE a good mother. You have the patience of an angel and you are intuitive, kind, and nurturing to your kids.
Max's comments are frightening because it's so true that no matter what we do our kids have their own skewed perspectives. Hopefully he'll grow out of that at some point, but if not you will have done the best you can do and the rest will be up to him.
I love your self-portraits! I have these same thoughts about what my children think of me. I know some days are not so good, but I hope that the majority are good memories for them. I hope the same for you too!
what an interesting way to try and see a different perspective, a different reflection. you post is soooo honest, i really appreciate you putting that into your response to this challenge!
I have some of the same fears and desires as well. Want so badly to be a good mother and then wonder what do my children think.
From what I see and read you are an excellent mother. Never doubt that.
Love the photos you shared.
great photos!
i was torn between two as well.
the days my kids think i am a great mom is when i feed them brownies for breakfast and make playdough,
if you are half as patient with your kids as you were with having to live with me, you are mom of the year
This was a great idea, Michelle. Really, my children's view of me is the one I care about the most. And sometimes there are weird observations they make that freak me out a little bit. But, you hope that they can see the heart behind what you do as a mother. They certainly see us at our worst and at our best, and they love us in spite of it. Probably a lesson for us in seeing ourselves with that same kind of unconditional love. You seem like a wonderful mother to me.
What great photos, I especially like the one with the circle mirrors (I've always been a sucker for circles/dots). What great insight as well. Although I don't have children, I often think about what kind of mother I would be. Unfortunately I often fear that I wouldn't make a good mom. From what I have read about your adventures as a mom you are a great one. Don't ever doubt that!
That is one thing that I struggle with myself. I often ask how my kids view me. Definitely ALWAYS different than what I would like them too. Thank goodness for forgiveness and the ability to make mistakes right?
I love that you took the photos in your children's rooms. Great idea and pictures.
I love the mirrors in your kids rooms, you are so great a decorating. I fret on a daily basis that I am ruining my daughter forever. Out of the blue Miriam said the other day "I don't like my nose" WHAT? Is that from me, or is the world already creeping in...we don't even have a TV for crying out loud. I have no answers, but you are not alone in the parenting confusion.
Love your photos in your kids' rooms. I too, worry about how my girls see me and what they think of me. Do they love me becuase they are suppose to, or because I'm a wonderful mom?
From the things I read about you, you are a wonderful mom, friend, daughter, sister...
Thanks for sharing.
I share the same questions and my answers change by the hour some days.
Love the idea you had to take the photos in the kids room. Very creative, I too wonder how my kids see me. I fear most of the time it is in correction mode. Don't do this, stop that. I need to work on remembering they have a visual of me and we both need it to be positive. Great post Michelle!
Uh, that was me above. I forgot (again) that I was logged in as my friend helping her start her blog. I need help most of the time with my memory, ugh!
Oh gee. I view myself as the old-timer, here, but give yourself a few years, Michelle, and your kids won't be able to HELP but tell you how they perceive you...and do you know what I've found? They had some of my missing links! They helped me to see myself even better than I saw myself.
I love the post and photos.
These are my favorite shots yet, so beautiful. And the motherhood sentiments.
Great photos!!
Your musings about motherhood and how your kids view you is interesting. As a father, I always had the same feelings of uncertainty, in fact, I still do. I often wondered how my children viewed me at the time, and how they would over time.
I can, however, validate your mom's position...you are a GREAT mother (and daughter).
(That was so sweet from your Dad.)
I can't believe you wrote this today - I have been thinking about same topic - I was concerned about my physical appearance the other day, for some reason nitpicking about this and that; later my son absentmindedly stroked my face while he told me about his imaginary dinosaur friends, and I thought - wow, does he think I am beautiful? Outside, inside, both? He loves me and my shortcomings, and I do try, and I hope they know that, as I am sure yours do.
You know what! It has peaked my interest that your post was about how your children perceive you. Aren't they really the most important people in the world that we want to get us right?
Loved it.
I love your photos. What a great Idea. I think all of us as moms all think the same things when it comes to our kids. Are we good moms and are they going to need therapy? I have been the nazi mom when it comes to a clean house and I one night after talking with my husband I realized that I didn't want my kids only memory of me is getting after them to clean constatly. I have had to ease up quite a bit and know that the worth of my motherhood does not rest on a freakishly clean house. I want my kids to have memories of me having fun and now is the time to build relationships with them. I struggle with it everyday but I am trying.
i have a few tears after reading this post, michelle. i relate to so many things you said today.
constant job performance evaluation, indeed.
i relate to the part about the perceptions of our children not being perhaps what we want for them to have or mean for them to have. i noticed with my pic today that some of the shots I was surprised to see that i did not look happy in them when i thought i was looking happy when i took the shot...hmmmm, endless trial and error this thing called motherhood.
Very cool idea to see ourselves the way our children do. Sometimes in the crazy of the day, comments come out, both bad and good, that do give us a glimpse at those answers, but the moments are fleeting and never explain enough.
I'm pretty sure that it was Grandma who said something like, "Motherhood is the most fulfilling and the most devastating role all at the same time." So, there you have it! All I can say is, you are certainly my role model for the perfect mom. What good things I did learn about motherhood I learned from my mom. I might need to go back for a refresher course.......
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