This is something that I've been thinking about for a long time, and I think I'm finally ready to write about it. I'm beige. Marc & I did a personality test one time, and he was green with, I think, red as his secondary color. What was I? Tan, with an overlay of tan! I'm totally serious. The test that has red, blue, yellow, and white -- I'm white. Whatever is the most neutral color, that's what I'm gonna be. I don't even have to take the tests anymore. I can predict it without even answering the questions. This is something I have been struggling with for years -- why do I have to be so dang boring?
A couple of friends have mentioned to me that my saying this is offensive to them. Something about how they wouldn't want to be friends with someone who's boring, I don't really know. But I have honestly been wondering for a very long time how I manage to have all these dynamic people in my life. What do they see in me? But here's the thing: my perception has slowly been changing.
Not long ago, my mom shared with me a comment that my dad had made. He asked her if she thought I ever resented him because my personality was so similar to his. This totally blew me away. Why would I ever resent him? My dad is fabulous and I would love to be like him! Hmm... I am very similar to him in many ways. I do see the paradox here: how can he be steady and reliable and hardworking and easygoing, and me just boring? In my birthday card this year, my mom wrote that I had truly inherited all of my dad's finest qualities. That really made me stop and think.
Then, my incredible book club friends made me my incredible birthday book. It rocked my world. As I read what my friends said about me, my first thought was, "either they don't know me, or I don't know me". And all I can say is, I hope it's the latter! Because I would love to be the kind of person that they described. Collette wrote that I am patient, thoughtful, and a true friend. Amy said that I am someone who enjoys my life. I can hardly even type now for the tears that are falling, because that has not always been true of me, but I think it is now. Would I have even noticed that if Amy had not pointed it out? (dang, I sure hope so!) Jana said that I have a fun sense of style and -- are you ready for this? -- a fun personality! I believe that's the first time anyone has said that about little old boring me. Jill used a quote about the value of just listening to another person. Hey, I can do that! And she said that I fill a void for her. Me! Filling a void!
And, finally, Jenn wrote: "...the word that truly speaks of the essence of you is SERENITY. It is defined as a calm acceptance of the inevitable. But it also implies a confidence that things will work out for the best. It entails more than just a lack of agitation, but true peace about life and its hardships. It suggests strength... It is what you emanate to those around you...It embraces your passion, your commitment, your discouragement, and your inquisitiveness -- it is the manner in which you express those things..."
I literally could not believe those things were referring to ME! But, then, a small voice was telling me that maybe this is really who I am, or at least who I'm working to become. Maybe I'm getting a glimpse of what my Heavenly Father sees in me, who he wants me to be. Thank you, thank you, my friends and loved ones, for helping me to finally accept that being beige can be a positive thing. I'm beige and I'm proud!
16 comments:
say it loud say it proud. Michelle i am loving your posts!
a few months ago my husband said to me, "if you could see in you what I see you, you would be madly in love with yourself"
that comment has changed my life. knowing someone loves you really helps you love yourself.
you are lucky to have those friends. after living with you for a year in a 8x14 closet , boring is the last word i would use to describe you!
michelle I love you!
ok - my new favorite post of yours. Very cool that you can see yourself in other's eyes, even if only a glimpse. One of Jimmy's favorite quotes is "if you could only see yourself the way I see you." He has it in his scriptures with a picture of Christ but it tranlates to areas of life.
Also, I have read the color code book and white is the perfect compliment to every color. "White blends beautifully." So there you go....you have great friends because you compliment their personalities so well. And..."the white always wins in the end" the tortoise and the hare analogy.
I definitely agree with all of the above
Once again I'm struck by the beauty of blogging and the fact that you've written down your feelings about this. Who would ever know that you feel this way and how would you know what we all think about it? So great.
I'm so glad you're finally starting to understand the beauty of beige. It has always offended me when you've called yourself boring, because that is soooo not the case.
You have a knack for selling yourself very short and that's hard to watch, especially when all your friends know you have an overflowing abundance of talents and skills and yet continue to think of yourself that way. (Very frustrating to those of us who feel like we've got two sticks rubbing together trying to make things happen sometimes.)
Never having actually met you *yet*, I would never think of you or your life as boring. Sure, I only get the glimpses you choose to blog off about, but all of your posts speak volumes of who you are and how you live your life. Very inspiring if you ask me :)
I love this post. My girlfriends do a compliment card for birthdays each year and it is my favorite! I love it, because it usually contains the things you don't tell your friends on a regular basis, but what you really love about them. It is one of my favorite mementos.
It is hard to see yourself the way others do and how amazing it must have been to see that small glimpse. Very thought provoking. I love the idea of serenity. It makes me calm just thinking about the word.
my teary eyed response is Hooray for friends who help us to see our real self! (so glad you are catching on to how wonderful you are and the beauty of beige!)
I relate to feeling "beige." I think that, especially when you're a member of a dynamic family, it's easy to feel like the "Boring One." Thank you for the perspective that "steadfast" doesn't mean boring. I love your comments--and I love you, too! (And I've NEVER thought of you as boring!!)
I'm so glad you're finally starting to see what the rest of us have known all along! I've told you before that you have so many admirable qualities, and when I think of how to be better, often all I can think is, "i should be more like michelle." Being steady is such a wonderful thing, and I think Marc is exceptionally blessed to have you as a wife- I need to glean a bit of your steadiness, patience, and kindness! i love you!
Isn't it a wonderful realization to get to know ourselves and see ourselves the way everyone else does? Beige is beautiful and you have so much to offer. I love your blog and feel that I learn and grow everytime I read it. Thank you for this post, for having the courage to post about insecurities that I think we all probably struggle with.
I honestly would never call you boring. Anyone who dresses as cute as you do is definitely not boring. And, if you are boring, I'd rather be beige or white than the blue/red that I already am. I think that you're wonderful.
There's nothing wrong with beige--no matter what the interior designers say! Beige blends well with everything! And there are many shades of beige. It is anything but boring--and you are not boring! On the contrary. I'm glad you can read those things about yourself and not discount them. (Why do we do that anyway?) I know when I was writing to you I was completely sincere. I know that everyone else was too. You're great! I love having you in our little group! And anyone who can write such a heartfelt post about themself and not come off as if you're bragging (which is entirely not the case with this post--it's beautiful!) is someone to admire.
excellent post. although i don't know you like some I would never classify you as boring in the least. I think its great your friends are able to get you to see how fabulous you are.
oh my...I have to re-read this post later--but just getting to know you from your blog and what Jill has told me--you are wonderful! ps...beige I think it looks wonderful with white- I wouldn't mind wearing beige and white for the rest of my life.!
Hey what a great site keep up the work its excellent.
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To me, you're not! I could use a little beige in my pallet, need I say more? You're the best color I know.
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