{photo by Jill}
We had our monthly board meeting for Young Women today. After the meeting, our president dismissed the girls (they went upstairs to eat treats) and kept the leaders for a few more minutes. She told us about the ward council meeting she attended just prior to board meeting.
Apparently, several concerns were raised about our youth. The young men's president and the bishop reported that during a recent lesson on the plan of salvation, even some of the older boys were woefully ignorant about the topic, despite coming from strong families and having attended primary and young men's and receiving gospel instruction for many years. How is this possible?
Some of our young men and young women have made comments to their leaders about not really knowing why they're doing the things they're doing. In other words, they pray, they read the scriptures, they go to church, but they don't know why. Do they just not have testimonies yet? Are the world's messages just so much louder than the gospel messages they are receiving?
She then told us that some of the young women have come to her and confided that they have no interest in having families of their own. This just made me so sad. We all know that it's important for them to be educated, to gain life skills and marketable skills. But how can they not know that the greatest joys and satisfactions in life come from family? Obviously, not every woman has the option of becoming a mother, but it distresses me to think of them closing themselves off from that possibility altogether.
I confess that when I was a young woman myself, I was much more interested in career and independence than in motherhood and family. But I didn't have much of a testimony at that time. Thankfully, I changed my mind and came to realize that raising a family is the most important work I can do (not to mention the most challenging).
We left feeling very sad for these girls and wondering what we can do to lift and strengthen them and help them to realize their divine potential. I suggested that perhaps we could seek out women that they admire to speak on a guest panel. I don't really know what else to do except increase my prayers on their behalf. Suggestions?
17 comments:
Well, how is motherhood being presented to these girls? Not overtly, but through the women around them? That's all I can think of. They are seeing something about motherhood that isn't appealing to them. Do they feel like they'd have to give up chances of education and betterment? Do they feel that motherhood is cloistering?
You are a mother, Michelle, AND you are highly educated, well-traveled, smart, and you have a world view. Motherhood hasn't held you back, in fact, it's provided many avenues of betterment for you.
I think that in enclaves of LDS people we women have a tendency to turn in and live only amongst ourselves and see the world through our limited views. The young women in the church today are exposed to more opportunities, information, and people than previous generations. They are inspired in their desires to go, see, and do more than ever before. I'm afraid that too often we set motherhood as an opposing role to these goals. That won't fly with many of the young women today, and isn't true. They can be so much in addition to and through being mothers.
And this is a random aside, but I remember that while I was a young women our leaders spent a good deal of time casually complaining about their children, and especially their husbands. I absolutely know you aren't doing this, maybe just keep an ear and eye open for what's going on around them?
First of all, sometimes I think that these kids know the gospel, the stories, the songs and answers but when they are in front of their peers or others, they blank out or just do not want to speak up the truth.
Secondly, yes these youth should have family as a goal with marriage and such. But, they are youth; thinking about having children at this point is something foreign to them something that is not on the radar. Maybe just getting them excited for the day when they will get married with a spouse then eventually children will keep them focused on the important goals. Helping them keep the vision of family and eternity is important. Also, how many have had their Patriarchal Blessing? Maybe helping them see the plan the Lord has for them keeps their eyes on the Lord's will, not the world's.
_Diedre Gray (Elisa's friend)
It's fun to see that picture again!
This news is rather sad, but may be just what the leaders need to remind themselves to be more thorough in explaining things when they teach. We have years and years of learning and experience to help us know why the gospel is true and that our lives are happier because of it, but the youth don't have that yet. They probably feel overloaded with all these to-dos and are questioning why they're necessary. It's disturbing that even coming from strong families they don't know why and are missing key elements, but their obedience thus far shows faith so surely the situation can be remedied!
Of course one of my first thoughts and worries is that this will be my children some day... I think the idea of a guest panel is a great one. I know as an adolescent I was not too receptive to teachings from my own parents, but looked up to several leaders who did make a lasting impression on me. I think (whoever you are in the church) that it is important to see adult members of the church that you can identify with and relate to. I think the youth need to see that living the gospel does not usurp your identity, and that they can lead vibrant fulfilling lives without sacrificing themselves to it. And I too, as a youth declared I was never having children. I often worry that I leave the impression with my children that motherhood is a bum job. Bella recently told me that she didn't want to be a mom because they had too many chores...
I worry about this and have seen the same trend here also. I remember in high school thinking I couldn't wait to get married and be a mom. Maybe I wasn't normal? I just figured all girls were like this but I am learning it's not. I hope you can find ways to better influence the girls.
This post provides much fodder for thought. Yesterday one of my friends, the Beehive advisor in our ward, asked me to come in and talk to her girls for a few minutes about my relationship with the Savior. While not directly related to families and child-rearing, I believe that helping them understand that essential foundation of testimony and happiness. In thinking of what to say to those 12- and 13-year-olds about my relationship with Jesus Christ, I was touched with how much my relationship with Him has influenced absolutely everything about me. Perhaps with the youth in your ward, that's where you should start your focus. A relationship with the Savior is where testimony begins and takes root, and everything else will follow, even an new and increased desire to have a family.
Wow. I'm not sure what to say because I have had many days this month of feeling like cleaning bathrooms, doing laundry, running car pool and breaking up fights is not the life that I wanted, but I have also had some of the most wonderful moments with my children and praying for my children...
I must say- I'm not actually surprised by the lack of knowledge. As grateful as I am for teachers who come each week, my children have not learned the gospel correctly or with any meaning from many of their teachers and it has increased my desire to teach my children at home because attending church is just no guarantee.
We had almost the same discussion in our ward council yesterday. Ours centered on the youth of the ward knowin(intellectually)but not KNOWING in their hearts and through pure testimony about the truths of the gospel and about their Savior. So when the darts(or strangers criticisms or questions or friends sarcasm) came, they find themselves unsure. Do I really Know? They think of Christ as their brother and friend, but do they think of Him and love Him as their Savior and Redeemer, who has taken upon Him all the sins and cares of their lives?
I'm sad about the motherhood comments. The world is making a strong case for going your own way, doing your own thing and finding yourselves. Unfortunately, in our ward we have a few mothers at this time who have chosen to do this by walking away from the church to find themselves. It has been extremely confusing to the children. Our RS theme this year is1 Nephi 25:26. Our children need to have a sure knowledge of whom they can turn to.
One thing that one woman can do about this is to be a good example. When you are around the young women and young men in your ward make sure that you are open about your feelings about being a mother.
I remember when I was a teenager back in the 70's when women's lib was in full swing, and it was very unpopular to admit that you were interested in motherhood or being a wife or anything home related. Really, until Martha Stewart came along home arts were something that made you boring. As a teenager I was very confused by all the media messages and attitudes I was exposed to, and I was in full denial of any leaning toward any domestic anything.
One day my grandmother and I were talking and she told me how much she loved being a mother and how important the job was, and how she had tried to do her best at it. Bang. My attitude changed in an instant. Her comments reached down to my soul, and they gave me permission to explore the feelings I was trying to hide.
Kids these days, (and always) need good role models to help them figure out life. Each one of us can be those models if we want to. One association, even one conversation can have great impact.
Keep your perspective. That's all the advice I have. Love them and keep your perspective as they're formulating their own.
I know some one in a similar situation at this time.
One thing I try to keep in mind is that for me, a gospel testimony didn't come until after I was in college and even then I was slow to realize it. I knew many of the basic things but didn't know much beyond. For some of these youth it may just take time and some independence. For others, maybe a lack of desire or motivation.
I've found that aside from praying for such individuals, being prepared and available to discuss and answers their gospel-related questions as they ask them have helped.
That picture is so gorgeous. I have so much to say about this post, but this comment box is feeling a little...restrictive. Maybe I will email you sometime.
It wasn't until I worked as a nanny for my cousin that I finally could say I was excited about the possibility of having a family of my own. I was 20.
This just breaks my heart! I love those young women, and the best thing that ever happened to me was becoming a mom. I wish they knew how wonderful and important motherhood is. I will pray for them as well.
Have them read Grandma's history.
I like Mom's suggestion. Grandma embraced motherhood, marriage, womanhood, the gospel, all while maintaining such a strong sense of identity.
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