Moving day, that is. Jessie, Timm & Bella left Provo this morning for North Carolina.
Up to this point, I had managed not to cry. I have been feeling sad pretty much all the time, but this morning as we were getting ready to go say our goodbyes, I felt a weight in my chest.
{Here is a picture of the sky today. I think it pretty accurately represents my mood.}
{Bella playing in the puddles, not a care in the world...}
{This one chokes me up. Lucas asked me this morning why they had to move away. I wish I knew, buddy. I mean, I do know, but I still don't want to accept it.}They had many friends there to wish them well and I only teared up a couple of times, until... Timm's dad offered a prayer. That's when I lost it. And once I started, I couldn't seem to stop.
{Bridget and her son watching Timm pull the truck away.}I sobbed all the way home, causing Eva to become upset and start crying herself. Max carried her in and played with her for awhile while I tried to calm down.
Since then, Eva has come up to me many times and given me hugs or pats. She keeps saying, "Mama just ok. Mama alright now." I guess she is reassuring herself. I wish it work on me, because I don't feel ok, and I don't know when I will.
I know I'm torturing myself, but I just can't stop thinking about all the things we won't be able to do together anymore. Jessie won't be here for Lucas's baptism. She won't see our new carpet when we finally get it. We won't be able to watch each other's girls when we have doctor appointments. We won't be able to do errands together anymore, work on creative endeavors, or just hang out. We won't be able to watch Bella and Eva grow up together. Timm won't be here to do little repairs around our house, or to let me make it up to him that I forgot about giving him a dessert-of-the-month membership only 3 months in... I just can't stop thinking of reasons I'm absolutely crushed that my sister and her family moved away.
And you know the worst part? I feel like I didn't enjoy it enough, and didn't take enough advantage of the time I had with her living nearby. Now it feels like a big piece of my heart is missing.
Jill called and when we were about to hang up, she asked what I had planned for the day. Moping? With a break for crying? Yep, pretty much.
{Click here to see more photos from this morning.}
25 comments:
I feel so bad for you. I know this is how I would feel too. It always makes me crazy that I don't take full advantage of things when I know they won't last forever. I think the only thing worse than not getting to live by a sister is getting to and then having to give it up.
Cry away.... I think crying is a good thing and it does help!
I am so glad you had your camera this morning. I have the same plans as you, a bunch of moping and crying. I keep looking out my kitchen window just hoping and hoping that I'm mistaken and they really didn't move.
I love your sister so much and I am so grateful she is a part of my life. I have loved getting to know you and Charlotte and everyone else I've met from your family through Jessie.
So sad!!!! :( Great but heartbreaking pictures.
This is such a sad, sad post. I'm so sorry you are not going to be living so close to your sister anymore. This will be a difficult transition period for both of you. Maybe you could start planning a sisters retreat/weekend twice a year? That would be something fun to plan for and look forward to.
I think crying and getting those sad feelings all out is good, and then hopefully you will be able to start feeling better soon. Take care!!
oh michelle...i feel sooo sad for you. goodbyes are always very hard, specially when there are soo many feelings to be experienced not only the goodbyes..which in itself is not that bad. It is even harder to be the one who stays behind. Hopefully all the memories of times shared will carry you through this tough time and a glimmer of hope in the horizon for your next visit. The clouds doo look blummy...so sorry my friend
Those photos! Sooooo wonderful and a treasure for the future. I have been feeling badly for you all day and your message broke my heart. I called back as soon as I got it, but didn't get you. I'll pray for the Spirit to be your comfort and companion in her place. It is one of life's cruel tricks to take your family so far away. Remember when Denise moved to Philly and was transfered in three months to Denver? I almost didn't recover from that, seriously. Your memories will be both bittersweet and the most comforting all at the same time. We'd better start planning a family retreat in the Carolinas right away. Loving and praying for your broken heart my darling Michelle.
I can't even comment on this right now- I'll be back later. Thank you so much for taking pictures through it all...
Oh my so sad. I know the same feeling. I have been right there. I still get sad that my kids don't get to grow up with there cousins and I don't get the frequent companionship of my siblings. I hope you will see her sooner then you think.
My sister is my best friend. Just sitting here reading about you & your sister is making me cry. I'm so sorry! Go ahead and cry it will feel good & that is so sweet that Eva was comforting you.
I am so sorry that your sister and her family have moved. I know you are hurting. Allow yourself to take the time you need to deal with your feelings. I hope the days become easier and the sadness less heavy.
Such a sweet post, I was tearing up the whole time. I love the bond you have as sisters. All your creative days at day camp with be some of your best memories in these last couple weeks. What a brilliant idea!
Hang in there, I'll be thinking of you.
Michelle, I'm so sorry! This post has me in tears. Goodbyes are just hard. And, I understand the feelings of having family far away. I don't have any sisters, but I have one brother, and he lives far from me. He's one of my best friends, and it is too much that we live so far apart. I cry about it, and we've never lived close by as adults. It's got to be so hard having Jessie nearby and now far. I'm thinking of you.
I am so sorry. I remember when my sister moved away from NOLA, I bawled and bawled as she drove away. There is just something about sisters!
I can feel your heartbreak. I have cried many times - everytime that Kathryne and I have moved away from each other. That seems to have happened a lot. But I think it makes me appreciate the time more that I do spend with her now. Isn't it so wonderful to have a sister as your best friend? I think I have no choice but to feel sad with you on this one...
I am so sorry she moved away. I went through the same thing 2 yrs ago. I had two sisters living here and within weeks of each other they both moved very suddenly. I cried for weeks. It was so hard on me. My one sister is now moving back in a couple of weeks so there is hope Jesse could move back?! Hope you feel better.
oooh I am sad for both you and Jessie. The one good thing about loved ones moving away is that family reunions are even sweeter!
Thank heavens for Blogging...you can watch each others kids grow up from a distance!
Aw, Michelle, I'm so sorry that it's paining you so much to see your sister move.
Everyone, as usual, has come up with great words of comfort that I hope you can draw from.
My only other thought is one of gladness that Jessie will be a complete blessing to the new friends she makes in North Carolina, don't you agree? What lucky people they will be to forge bonds with her.
Chin up, Michelle. As our mothers would say, 'You have to share!' and 'spread the love'. xxx
My heart aches for you. I've been there, only I was the one leaving, I swear, it does get easier. Have your self a good cry and a nice bubble bath.
I love that you took self portraits of how you feel- good girl!
I hope you mope it up all day!
I love what you said about not enjoying it enough when they were here- it inspires me to make more out of my time with Nate and Angela before they graduate and move on.
Sad FOR you, Michelle!
Ouch. I'm thinking of you.
I so hope you well and sorry that they are not close anymore. So glad that you seem to have a close community of friends around you to support you.
This is just a sad state of affairs, but really so touching. I'm impressed by the impact Jessie has made on so many people. It's definitely sad that she has to move away now that you have so much more in common, but really with free cell phone calls, blogging, and good mail I think you'll still be able to have a close relationship. Perhaps you'll start actually writing letters?! A sisterly correspondence that could span the years maybe.
It's so not fair! I watch all my cutest family grow up over email! & blogs! Thank goodness for that.
Do you have free long distance? ;)
I lived by my sista Anna, but only for a few weeks. It was tragic really - I feel your pain -and I am afraid - that longing will always be there!
What a great opportunity that you have had! SHE will have a great adjustment as life will be totally different where she replants.
I hope that tomorrow the clouds part a bit...
i am sure this won't help, but you are a lucky girl to have a relatioship with your sister that you are sad to see her move, it tells a lot about the both of you.
moving is hard. hang in there.
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