I've been pondering a lot lately on the reasons I've gained so much weight and why I've had so much difficulty in losing it.
I was up late recently, and just as I was going to bed, Oprah came on. Her show was about people who have had gastric bypass surgery, and it was so intriguing that I stayed up and watched it. The gist was that these women turned to new addictions after undergoing the surgery and losing a lot of weight because they never really dealt with the underlying issues that caused them to gain weight in the first place.
My first thought was that I couldn't see myself turning to alcoholism or gambling, so maybe I should sign myself up for the surgery! Just kidding. But it really got me thinking: what are the underlying issues that caused me to gain the weight?
I think I'm a pretty introspective person, and there's nothing jumping out at me. I called Jessie the next day to discuss, and we both agreed: can't it just be that we really like food and we have problems with self-control? Don't get me wrong, I would love nothing more than to get to the bottom of my eating issues. If I figured it out, then I would be able to lose the weight more easily, right? It's just that I'm not sure what they are!
So for a week now, I've had an ongoing dialogue with myself, Jessie, and Marc. I haven't really turned anything up yet, but a couple of interesting points have been brought to my attention. Marc read something in the New York Times about a study on addiction centers in the brain. The researchers discovered that something occurred in addicts' brains where neural pathways clustered around one "pleasure center", whatever that is. In other words, the addict began to feel that if he didn't drink/do drugs/eat while going to a party/hanging out with friends/being alone or whatever, then it wouldn't be pleasurable. They speculated that people's brains change when they consistently use one resource to bring themselves pleasure or feelings of happiness.
I can really relate to this. Food is such an easy source to turn to when seeking pleasure. And to make things more complicated, it's not something you can just give up. You have to eat, and it's just so darn pleasurable! Good food = good feelings. In addition, it's such a social thing. Fun to do alone, fun to do with friends and family! But I wonder if I need to broaden my spectrum.... take a bath? read? hang out in my scrapbook room? exercise? (Of course, I'd have to first break myself of thinking that creating/reading/whatever is that much more pleasurable if I'm eating at the same time.)
Then Jessie brought up another thing she'd heard somewhere: that we often eat in an attempt to not experience our emotions. In other words, we're stuffing ourselves and our feelings at the same time. Now that makes a lot of sense to me. I'm such a stuffer, personality-wise. (I'm a White, motivated by peace, remember?) Wow. So in order to resolve my food and weight issues, I have to totally go against my natural instincts and a lifetime of finely-honed coping skills? (obviously, they're not working that well for me...) I guess I have a lot of emotional work to do, and I'm not even sure where to start.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
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18 comments:
I recorded that late-night episode of Oprah as well, but I haven't watched it yet. I've always wondered about the emotional root of by weight issues and have concluded that I eat to fill an emotional void. I have no idea how to repair that void, so I may be fat forever. Oh dear.
I also can relate to the pleasure-center aspect of things because food is often the first thing I think about when considering an event like book club, scrapbooking, watching a show etc. I sometimes find myself fighting the urge to eat while watching a show at night because I know I'm not hungry, but part of me thinks it will be more of a "treat" if I have something tasty to nibble on. Oh the bad cycle this reveals.
Good post Michelle, what's up with 5:46am?? Is Eva busting your chops?
Good post indeed. I too have tried to think of the emotional or chemical reasons I eat how I eat. I have told myself that the difference between overcoming alcoholism or a lot of other addictions and overeating is that albeit hard, you can live without alcohol, but you have to eat. So how is an alcoholic supposed to succeed if we tell her she has to take a drink every day? Even if you are trying to get over the food addiction, it's not like you can just give up food. Most alcoholics that try to drink even only socially end up where they started- so where does that leave me?
I am pretty sure I am not an emotional eater, I just like food and the part about the pleasure center in the brain rings so true to me- I have never heard of that. I like the idea of replacing the addiction- I mean even though those women on Oprah chose to replace it with something bad...Now to just find that 'healthy' replacement that will produce those same satisfying feelings. Eating is a selfish thing for me, so maybe I need to find a replacement that is totally self serving...I don't know.
This has got my wheels turning today, thanks Michelle!
Very interesting, Michelle. I wouldn't presume to have any answers for you, but your comments did cause me to think.
Have you ever seen the movie Crash? The idea behind the movie is that people are so lonely that they find reasons to crash into each other simply to have the human contact, or, in other words, they look for ways to fill their emotional voids in ways that are not particularly useful. I am familiar with the physical reasons that Americans tend to be overweight--sedentary lifestyle, too much fast food, etc, etc, etc. But have many (or any) studies been done about the reason that obesity is a problem? Could it be that Americans have lost the ability to have intimate relationships with others and are thus filling the void that leaves with other things, such as food? Look at email. It is about the most impersonal way to talk to somebody. But we all do it, and some, like me, use it for our primary form of communication. I look at people, like Jill, who have intimate connections with several people. One of the the things that really stands out to me is that she takes time to write letters to, talk on the phone to and visit those with whom she cares to remain in contact.
Another example is cell phones. We are always accessible. For some reason people think they have to answer their phones when they ring--which is simply not true. Being reachable at all times may be a good thing for some things, but how much intimacy can be acheived when conversations are constantly being interupted by the phone ringing? A few days ago I had a compassionate service committee meeting. The two other ladies' phones rang multiple times and they answered their phones whenever they rang! Not only was our meeting interrupted, but it took a moment for us to recover the momentum of the discussion we were having pre-phone calls.
Maybe I'm way off. It's just that, for me, when someone talks about emotional void, I think lack of intimacy. It's the woman in me, I guess, who craves community to feel emotionally whole. Now I'm off to nurse my three day headache that seems to be only getting worse! The couch has my name written all over it today!
This is really interesting Michelle. I wonder about some of those same things. There was an article on CNN yesterday that my husband emailed to me mainly because our friend was mentioned in the article. However, I think you might find it interesting, because it was on this very subject.
Here is the link: http://www.cnn.com/2006/HEALTH/11/07/food.for.thought.ap/index.html
Arggh, it won't let the whole link show up, so I will chop it up. :)
http://www.cnn.com/2006/HEALTH/11/07
/food.for.thought.
ap/index.html
I hope this works.
Good post Michelle. I can totally agree with the whole pleasure centered aspect. I LOVE to eat and it makes me happy, I get an energy boost to overcome what sometimes are terrible days, I just enjoy it!
I consider myself a very emotional eater. On bad days, good days, when I'm mad, upset, stressed, excited, happy, I turn to food. I wish I wasn;t this way but can see being this way forever, so I expect I will be excersizing, trying to eat something healthy (for one meal a day, and just trying to keep on top of it.
Thanks for the thoughts.
Michelle, have your read Dr. Phil's book? He talks a lot about this. As you go through the book you work through his "7 Keys" - one of them is similar to this and figuring out the source. I felt like you and don't feel like there is some major trauma contributing to my being fat but more bad habits, laziness, I like food, etc. I felt like I could resolve that key and move on without having to "find the blame."
Another thing he says that I like and think works is that you don't break a habit you replace it. And that if there is nothing you like to do you are better off to take a nap intead of eat. Anyway, it is a super good book, of course, I am not skinny but I like the thought process of it.
I always say it is a good thing for the word of wisdom because I would be a total alcoholic and drugee. I have never even tasted alcohol but I just know! I have a hard time not being addicted to everything (I even went through a food storage addiction!) - if only I could be addicted to something good.
SO interesting Michelle! I am totally an emotional eater- I have joked my kids "drive me to eat" because on bad days, you will find me at 10pm on the couch with a big bowl of ice cream covered in double caramel!
Mostly though, I eat because it's there. My living space includes my kitchen and so I'm constantly grabbing at things, rarely healthy. I've been trying to stay away from my kitchen this week (have to wear a swimsuit on my cruise in 10 days!!) and it's helped. I find myself with more time for other things too because I'm not searching for something to eat.
I will always love eating, but I can certainly make improvements so keep posting about this! I love everyone's ideas and knowing I'm not the only one!
http://www.cnn.com/2006/HEALTH/11/07/food.for.thought.ap/index.html
I think someone else sent you this link, but I read it yesterday and thought it was very interesting. My co-worker recently went on Weight Watchers, and although I am not overweight, I was curious to see how many "points" I was racking up a day. So much of my eating was completely mindless- zoning out in front of a bowl of hummus, with my hand on autopilot. I generally don't keep junk food in the house because I'm spacey as it is and I never pay attention when I am eating. I'm always thinking about other things. I totally agree with what you said, and regardless of it affecting your weight, getting to the bottom of emotional things is always positive.
Michelle, great post. I could write a book on this issue. It interests me so much I got a few degrees on it. As one who who is a recovered bulimic and spent years on the therapy couch figuring it out . . . I really did figure it out. Yes, we eat for pleasure, for boredom, etc. But there are those of us who use it to numb ourselves, or as you said "stuff our emotions". Some of us use food just like an alcholic uses alcohol, drug addict uses drugs, etc. It is all the darn same thing. It wasn't until I learned to sit with my feelings, and face the reasons I was eating that I turned the corner. AND when I learned to accept myself as I was AT THAT VERY MOMENT (not when I was skinny). When I did these things, in time, I was liberated. And in time, (ironically enough) I actually lost weight and became thin. (I have fat highschool and college pics to prove it). There is an author out there who writes books on this subject and her personal experience with this. I read it my freshman year in college and it really helped. Her name is Geneen Roth. I think the first one is Feeding the Hungry Heart. You may want to check it out. Best of luck Michelle . . . you are moving in the right direction!!!
These are interesting thoughts Michelle and I can definitely understand some of that. I can also understand the trepidity in asuuming a new mentality, especially one you've had for your whole life. I don't really have any answers for you, just encouragement! I think it's always easier to make real change when you can get down to the root of the real problem. Changing the way you think is always harder than changing habits or thought processes, but I definitely think it's more rewarding! I'm rooting for you!
Interesting thoughts. I have wondered too if there is something that urges me to eat. I think for me it's to relax or destress. I am one that can't imagine skipping a meal unless I'm fasting.
There was another Oprah on this week with Dr. Oz talking about why we eat and he said that our body has a cravings center that wants and can be satiated by four things: water, food, sleep and sex. Obviously, not everyone gets the last one, but he talked about how we do crave these things and when we aren't getting enough sleep we'll crave the carbs and sugars to try to get our body feeling better. He also talked about how our body works against us b/c the more we eat the more our body's hormones tell us they need more. He said eating fiber and eating slowly help us turn these cravings down. I posted all the notes if you are interested.
His books, YOU: The Owners Manual and YOU: On A Diet are supposed to be great. What helps me is how he explains the body's biology and shows me what really goes inside on when I don't eat well. The neat thing is he says it takes only 2 weeks to reboot your body, and that we can learn to control our cravings for fat. He also says maintaining just 100 calories less a day can make the difference and is something you can maintain for life. I like that idea.
I loved reading your thoughts. You have a lot of good information here and a lot to think about. I seem to have the opposite problem. When I'm sad I don't eat. Don't ask me what I do instead...perhaps drowned myself in TV or the internet I guess. I have actually been thinking a lot lately about how I'm not treating my body very well. The lack of sleep, not fueling it with proper foods, and exercise. I've got to get back on that. It really effects the way I feel physically, but even how I feel about myself.
What a GREAT post. I completely agree with Jessie regarding the use of food as a way to suppress your emotions in an attempt to get away with dealing with them. So- this co-worker just had gastric banding surgery. She really needed it and I'm so happy for her that she did it, but she never dealt with the WHY of her weight issues. The problem- what is she going to do when she needs that outlet and the 8oz she is allowed a day just doesn't cut it.
So many good comments have been made already- I agree with everyone. I am totally one of those emotional eaters, but when I'm really stressed-- beyond help I give up food. Although I make up for it when I'm not stressed and find I totally over eat.
Why does life have to be so complicated?
I'm impressed and inspired by your dedicated introspection on the subject. I think all of th epoint you mentioned are insightful. (Wow-a lot of i words there) I agree that food can create a false sense of comfort for us and is so much a part of celebrations in our culture and our lives that it seems impossible to escape. In any case, I applaud your candid revelations and join you in your personal quest! I'm going to be in need so some serious diet and excercise adjustment soon-my excuse is almost expiring!
wow! wonderful post! I am thinking alot of the same things you are...and the thing that strikes me the most is that EVEN THIN WOMEN have this problem. EVeryone here in AMERICA thinks they are FAT! I think that that is wrong...to start with. I have been enjoying reading the book French women don't get fat...but being there...having been thin...and being heavy again! It is just basically what WE PUT IN OUR MOUTH! and what we do to work it out or not...I don't think there is a mystery here, I think it is Eating to live and not Living to eat! Sad but true!
You and Jessie are very introspective. I really admire people who can examen their lives and try to improve them. I hide my emotions way too often. I hate conflicts and avoid them at all costs, even if it's a conflict with myself.
I have never used food as a comfort at anytime in life before having kids. Now, i use it all the time as a comfort or as Jill said a treat. It's so hard to know why we do the things we do especially if it is habits we've had our entire life.
You have given me a lot to think about, thanks.
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