quest for the perfect perfume: the saga

This is an email I got a couple of days ago from Marc. I thought it was so funny, I decided to post it.

Michelle,

After the unfortunate ugly decanter of Lolilta Lempicka's new fragrance (generally a deal breaker), I thought I had found the perfect new scent for you: Miss Dior Cherie, a new perfume based on a 1950s classic, but updated. The notes include, get this—caramel popcorn, wild strawberry sorbet, green mandarin, and vanilla (among other things). Sounds good, right? I even sprayed some on my hand (while pretending to spray it on the little paper tester) to test it. It smelled great and provided a secret refuge from the metro stink as I rode back to the apartment.

But then I had doubts. Was it too sweet? Too young? Too...Lolita (Nabokov this time, not Lempicka--oh why can't she have cool decanters?)? So I stayed up late into the night researching the scent on the internet and thanks to (or maybe unfortunately because of) the blogosphere I found several blogs devoted entirely to perfumes that swayed me against it. Phrases like "cloying and sugary" or "cotton candy on a humid day" kept coming up. Or how about this fright: "It reminds me of a fragrance by Joan Rivers called 'Now and Forever' believe it or not." So now instead of a daring new gourmand scent I'm starting to remember those giant sticks of strawberry Bonne Belle lip gloss Lisa used to get when she was, like, 10.

So I kept searching and found something that sounded even better. A new fragrance from Guerlain just came out called 68 (named for their address on the Champs-Elysées and also for the number of ingredients). It seemed to fit all the criteria—not just yours, which are admittedly more reasonable, but also mine which include newness and rarity. Here are just a few of the 68 notes: bergamot, green mandarin, lemon, clementine, orange peel, blood orange, sweet lime, grapefruit, basil, fennel, star anise, lavender, bay leaf, thyme, bigarade, blackcurrant, freesia, lily of the valley, cyclamen, cardamom, coriander, black pepper, pink berry, nutmeg, ginger, jasmine, frangipane, magnolia, orange blossom, peony, rose, carnation, ylang-ylang, lychee, gentian, petitgrain, fig, blackberry, immortelle, opoponax, pistachio, amber, benzoin, vanilla, cistus, heliotrope, iris, tonka beans, sage, musk, patchouli, agarwood, cedar, sandalwood, vetiver, vegetable musk, praline, myrrhe. Not only did the ingredients look promising, but so did the exclusivity factor (no mall rat in Utah will be wearing this anytime soon--or ever): you can get it only at the Guerlain store on the Champs-Elysées. That's it. Nowhere else.

So this evening I went there. I was all dressed up in my $6 jacket from D.I. (for which I have been stopped on Faubourg St. Honoré with compliments and "where can I get one?"--no joke.) so I walked right into the impressive boutique like I belonged there. Cutting to the chase...remember Salieri's line about Mozart? "Too many notes!" That was my reaction. There's so much going on I couldn't make out anything. It seems to be more of a cool concept than a great fragrance. I think they must think that too, because they only sell it huge bottles (probably about twice the amount of water I drink in a day--which, I know isn't saying much, but still...) that cost 180 Euros.

I was less than impressed and the sales guy could tell, so he took me over to their four newest women's fragrances (smaller bottles, but still big prices). Sadly, this next part has no good news about the search, but it was just really amazing. The guy took out a huge, beautiful black fan and sprayed it all over with the first scent and then fanned me with it! Royal treatment. He then did the same with a new fan for each of three remaining fragrances. It was such a luxurious experience I almost felt obligated to buy something. But I told him I'd have to consult with you and think it over.

Finally, I went to Sephora (which is next door to Guerlain) to reconsider Lolita Lempicka. As soon as I entered, a woman who worked there asked to help me. I told her I had just been at Guerlain and her competitive spirit kicked in. She went off on a speech about how I had come to the right place, how Sephora is a sophisticated perfumery for people of distinction (yada yada yada). She then asked me questions about you and told me she would show me different fragrances and only tell me more about them after I had decided that they pleased me. She took one of those paper strips (what! no fan?) sprayed it. Waited a minute. Ran it under her nose for dramatic effect and then, instead of just handing it to me like they usually do, she held it under my nose for me. She did this with four fragrances (did she know the Guerlain guy does four too?) and then I was supposed to decide. I tried the I-have-to-consult-with-my-wife thing, but she wasn't falling for it. She was going in for the kill. She was determined to one-up Guerlain. Well, I finally insisted that I needed time to think and got away. Now, off to give Lolita Lempicka another try. I passed Miss Dior Chérie on the way and gave it the evil eye (apparently it's new at Nordstrom, so try it if you think it deserves another chance). I found Lempicka and... no tester. That damned decanter probably broke. So I still don't know. That's the perfume saga of the day.

In other news, Corry is still very sick. He had to call SOS medecin and get some medicine which he promptly threw up. I went on a pilgrimage to a pump in the 16th arrondissement that has well water from a 600 meters (yes, meters) deep well that was drilled in the 17th century and is supposed to cure people with intestinal problems. Old ladies go there and fill up water bottles daily. The well doesn't give as much water as it once did, a limited amount a day. So when I got there, all I could get was about 2-3 cups of it. Corry drank some of it, so we'll see...

{I can picture this entire thing -- so Paris. Also, I thought he was joking about the well water, but no.}