This is one of those days when I wish I could take a break from motherhood. Or, alternatively, find a way to become much better at it! I was so frustrated with my boys this morning -- they were dawdling like crazy and I couldn't get them out the door. We have had a great track record of being on time to school, which is good since we pick up another little boy in the neighborhood, but today we were a little late. Lucas complains every morning that he hates wearing socks and they bother his feet so much. I check his socks over. They are on correctly, they fit well, I can't see any problem. I explain that in the wintertime he just has to wear socks, even if he doesn't like them. Do we have to have this conversation every single day?
Max wants to wear his high-top tennis shoes but has trouble getting them on. He knows this from experience. So why does he wait until we're going out the door to start putting them on? He gets frustrated and says he's going to throw these shoes away. I tell him he's most certainly not going to throw them away as they've hardly even been worn, then he says he'll give them away. I tell him he can do that if he wants to. Then he starts crying and says they're his favorite shoes in the whole entire world.
We didn't have time to comb their hair -- luckily it's cut pretty short right now, so bed head is kept to a minimum. They did brush their teeth! By the time I dropped them off in front of the school, Max was looking completely downtrodden. My first reaction was irritation, but then on the way home I realized that I had been largely responsible for this situation. I set the tone by being irritable and frustrated. Max is so hard on himself that he can't stand it if I'm unhappy with him. So I sent him off to school feeling badly about himself because he thinks he let me down. I don't want his day to start like this! But he's just so darn sensitive.... Still, I'm the adult here. I should be better equipped to deal with life's frustrations than my children. If I haven't figured out how to work with him by age 10, where will we be when he's a teenager?? Motherhood is hard.
Thursday, February 09, 2006
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8 comments:
Amen to that. I keep waiting for that motherly wisdom to kick in. Instead I feel like a petulant child myself most of the time and react to their childish antics with some of my own. It's ridiculous, but seems to be my automatic way of responding. Perhaps parenthood involves much more tongue biting and self-discipline than we ever thought. It sucks.
I know, I know. I got a glimpse yesterday of how Kaitlin must see me. She got into my dental floss and tore a huge (like as long as my bathroom) piece out. I noticed what she was doing and tried to stop her by yelling at her to stop. She recoiled! I checked my tone--I didn't think I sounded mad, but to her I did. She almost started crying, so I quickly told her that she wasn't in trouble. Then she gave me a big hug of apology. I think one of the tricks to being an effective parent is to alwaysdemand better behavior, but also recognizing the limitations that children have. They don't have the same concept of time that we have. They certainly don't have the discipline. Etc, etc, etc, etc--you get the point. I think we forget that we have to teach our children constantly--the annoying part of it is, that we have to teach by repetition, the most monotonous thing that most adults fight against on a dialy basis! It's funny how he change from childhood to adulthood. Finally, I have to agree with Jill. Parenthood involves much more tongue biting ans self discipline than we ever thought. It does suck, but luckily we have many, many times to try and try again. We don't have to be perfect at it. We have a life time to learn how.
"be the mother- BE the mother!" Unfortunately you're so good at it, so you must continue on. You are an example to me :)
I second that motion. It is hard and frustrating and at time i wonder where is the pay off. As I read through your grievences for the morning (sounds like my life) i couldn't help think of the book I am reading "parenting with love and logic". Check it out. I am starting to see things differently. Not that I am at all good at implementing this sort of infomation. I thought I would pass it along.
I can't count the number of days I have said these exact words! I have no words of wisdom- really, it is hard and nobody ever tells you that!
Luckily kids are quick to forgive! I few good minutes seems to turn the day around. I just keep praying that they will remember some of the good and not just the yelling!
I loved your blog today. Thanks for taking the time to write about that.
The other morning i had some of those same feelings. at 9:30 i ran up to the school, left my car running went to annie kate's class and peeked through the door she came out in the hall and i just squeezed the guts out of her. she looked at me like i was crazy and i told her, i just forgot to kiss you goodbye. i felt much better but i think she thought i was crazy.
michelle i bet you are the best mom! do you boys speak french?
I love motherhood at my age! But I still don't get it right all the time either, especially with Ryan.
Just remember what Grandma taught me, I love love love it! I can't take the credit for my children's successes, and I also don't have to take the blame for their failures. Pure wisdom from the great matriarch. My girls are the best-they both amaze and delight me! Motherhood does pay off eventually, and you don't even have to wait for the eternities!!
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